Feeling Like You’ve Lost Faith?

What do you do when you feel you are losing your faith?

Experiencing adversities that accompany everyday life can often feel as if you are losing your faith. It’s not only a loss of faith in God, but you might also feel a loss of faith in humanity, loved ones, or even in yourself at times.

You may feel like you’ve lost your faith when you are dealing with:
Stress
Depression
Loss
Illness
Uncertainty
Trauma
Betrayal
Fear
Loneliness

Many people have feelings like this, especially when it feels like you have absolutely no control or have seemingly lost control over what is going on in your life and the world around you. Being consumed by all things uncertain (pretty much everything) is the time that faith is needed most but also when it feels like it’s the most difficult to grasp. It sure is easier to have faith when everything is going well but undoubtedly more challenging when they are not.

That is why it is important for us to recognize when we start having these feelings and work towards reestablishing or holding on to our faith, especially during troubling times.
If you feel like you’re losing your faith here’s 6 things you can do.

acknowledge and accept what you feel

pray and meditate

express gratitude

consider counseling

engage in acts of kindness

take a break

Try not to judge or dismiss feelings, but also don’t dwell on them. Reconnect with yourself and your core belief in God. Trust that you will be guided to navigate the challenge.

Love Allie đź’›

5 Ways that People Pleasing Tendencies are Harmful to Your Mental Health

People pleasing tends to be a very common problem, one that is wrought with insecurity and fear. People pleasers tend to sacrifice their own wants, needs and opinions, ensuring that others will approve and like them.  When you neglect yourself in this way and live in constant fear of what others think, it not only drains you physically, but it takes a serious toll on your mental health. Here are 5 ways that your mental health will suffer as you attempt to people please your way through life. 

1. High Stress: As a people pleaser, your inability to say no will have you adding even more activities and tasks (that you don’t want to do) to your already busy plate. This could mean taking on more responsibility at work or simply saying yes to a night out when you’d rather stay in. Either way, consistently putting others first and your own wants and needs last will eventually send your stress level off the charts. Instead of saying yes to a whole bunch of things you don’t want, decide what makes YOU happy and say yes to that instead. 

2. Depression: When you put your all into making everyone else happy, you aren’t being true to yourself. Your wants, needs, likes, opinions – all of that goes out the window as you try to edit yourself to “fit” whoever it is you’re trying to please. It’s extremely stressful to put on a show, keep up appearances and give 110% of yourself to someone else because you feel as if you need their approval. This makes it very easy to slip into depression and loneliness because you neglect who and what really matters – YOU. 

3. Resentment: When you spend most of your time caring for and pleasing others, without getting much in return, a huge load of resentment will start to set in. On the surface you will be full of smiles and yes’s, however behind closed doors it will be a different story. You’ll start to resent yourself for giving so much and also resent others for not caring enough to return the favor. If you don’t change course, this is a dead-end road that will lead to frustration, discontent and unhappiness. 

4. Losing Yourself: As you focus more on pleasing other people, you begin to sacrifice your own identity, losing who you really are. Changing yourself to fit in for the approval of others, causes you to stop walking your own path and take theirs instead. This leads to an internal battle that leaves you feeling drained, frustrated and uncertain about who you are and what you want. It will also impact your close relationships because you spend so much time placing your energy in the wrong corner.  

5. Anxiety: The longer you put the needs of others front and center, the more anxiety you’re going to have. If you are a chronic people pleaser, you tend to worry constantly about being good enough, fitting in and being accepted by those around them. For this reason, your imperfections and mistakes are magnified at all times and you become your own worst critic. This alone can cause your anxiety to go through the roof because you feel like you don’t measure up to the image that everyone expects. 

People pleasing can have a serious impact on your mental health and will keep you stuck in a vicious cycle of anxiety and depression. Rather than looking for approval from everyone else, start searching inward and give yourself some of the love and energy you’ve been doling out to everyone else.   

Love Allieđź’›

14 Intrinsic Motivation Secrets for Making Everything Better

Scientists, teachers, and business leaders have spent a lot of time trying to find more effective ways to motivate people. However, one thing is certain. Intrinsic motivation works better than external pressure.

Take a look at how to tap into inner sources of inspiration and where to apply them.

How to Use Intrinsic Motivation

  1. Ask questions. Ask yourself what you would do if you were not getting paid or receiving any direct compensation. Think about the activities that spark your interest and provide gratification.

  2. Set meaningful goals. This line of questioning can help you identify your purpose. With your objectives in mind, you can set priorities and focus on what’s important.

  3. Challenge yourself. Aim for targets that are ambitious, without being impossible. Tasks that are too easy tend to become boring. On the other hand, it’s difficult to pursue a dream that seems too far out of reach.

  4. Give yourself choices. We all like to feel some sense of control. Build a degree of flexibility into your plans. If you’re trying to practice your French, you may want to watch a foreign movie on the days you get tired of grammar drills.

  5. Search for relevance. Even the most tedious tasks become more meaningful if you can relate them to your values. Pulling up weeds in your back yard reinforces your patience.

  6. Stimulate your curiosity. Fire yourself up by taking a fresh look at your surroundings. Spend time outdoors appreciating nature. Spend time playing with your children and pets. Ask a librarian to suggest books about a topic you’ve been curious about.

  7. Accept impurities. Experts debate whether or not human motivation can be completely intrinsic. Even if you secretly want a little public recognition, it’s still valuable to take pleasure in virtuous actions for their own sake.

  8. Limit material rewards. Studies show that external payoffs can make things less appealing, even if we liked doing them in the first place. Delight in supporting a fundraiser for your local animal shelter, regardless of whether you win a raffle prize. While material rewards are nice, the internal reward is what counts.

  9. Provide information. Then again, a recent study found that causal information is an effective reward. Boost your motivation by digging up more information about a project. Practical data has the biggest impact.

Where to Apply Intrinsic Motivation

  1. Focus on learning. Many teachers and parents struggle to get kids interested in learning, as opposed to just getting good grades. As an adult, you can attend museum lectures, read classic novels, and conduct your own science experiments without worrying about final exams.

  2. Forget about pay day. Make a list of the benefits your job provides that go beyond your salary, benefits, and medical insurance plan. Post it somewhere where you can see it, and remind yourself of why you chose your line of work.

  3. Get a hobby. Put your leisure time to good use. Pursue your interests and cultivate your creativity. You may discover more about yourself while you’re playing the violin or tending to your vegetable garden.

  4. Think about others. Transform your relationships by emphasizing what you can give to others. Be willing to let your mother-in-law win an argument. Switch shifts with a coworker when she needs to take the afternoon off. They’ll be more likely to return the favor.

  5. Value yourself. Consider how everything you do contributes to your self-esteem. Choose actions that honor your true worth.

Looking inside yourself for encouragement will make you feel happier and more accomplished. Rely on intrinsic motivation to move ahead in life.

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You’ll get a FREE, custom Personality Report based on our proprietary B.A.N.K. behavior assessment ($99 value) with detailed insights about your strengths, your weaknesses, your values, and much more!

The Best Things You Can Do When You Feel Demotivated

We know that self-motivation is vital for work. There’s a good chance we can keep going despite trials with high motivation levels. But life gets in the way.

Unexpected events cross us every day. And depending on how we react to them, these events can throw us off balance.

It’s even more so now that many people find themselves working from home. With zero self-motivation, you may become frustrated, unproductive, and ineffective.

Fortunately, there are things you can do to avoid this. For example, you can schedule your daily work tasks according to your calendar. Additionally, you can manage your day. If you wake up late, don’t start your day with Twitter.

Instead, you can make the most of every waking moment.

Try these tips to increase your motivation:

  1. Set goals. A big reason for feelings of demotivation comes from not knowing where we want to go. Why do you wake up each morning and go to work? What would you like your life to look like in the next year or two? Why do you want your life to look that way?
  • Asking these questions helps you gain a clear objective about where you want to head. Once you have answers to these questions, you can finally set the goals that are right for you.
  1. Avoid comparing yourself to others. People know they are imperfect by nature. But they forget this when they compare themselves to others, thinking they have to perform better than everyone else. This action leads to more stress and depression.
  •  Instead of comparing yourself to others, try imagining what your life will be like when you achieve your goals. This approach can help you eliminate the endless lists and mental comparisons that hinder your progress.
  1. Wade through your struggles. Everyone has challenges in their lives, so it’s easy to have negative thoughts and emotions. Instead of abandoning your goals, try to face your problems and figure out what you can do.
  • Your challenge may feel like a huge obstacle, but giving up on your dreams is a much bigger deal.
  • Remember why you started. Recognize that results don’t come instantly. Stay motivated and keep looking toward your goal.
  1. Let your choices differ from the past. Everyone hates change. But many times, that’s what we need. You don’t have to make significant changes to your life. Instead, you can make small changes that lead to substantial results.
  • For example, someone trying to lose weight might choose to eat healthier and exercise more. Someone trying to stop smoking may think about trying a different alternative. Someone interested in starting a business may look for free ways to market their product.
  • Your results will follow your decisions, so choose wisely!
  1. Embrace your mistakes. We all make mistakes. Even if you’re doing something right, sometimes you will still make an error. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Realize that mistakes are as natural to humans as breathing.
  • Even the most successful people have made poor decisions at one time or another. And the truth is, mistakes help us to grow as we learn. They allow us to learn new skills and improve our behaviors.
  • So instead of dwelling on your mistakes, evaluate them and think about what you did well. By doing this, you will learn from your mistakes and achievements, making you more motivated in the long run!

It’s easy to feel demotivated. However, the key to staying motivated is to focus on the big picture.

While it’s true that you may never reach some goals, if you focus on the possibilities and work hard to meet them, you can still achieve your dreams no matter how difficult they may be.

Love Allie

Do Your Goals Support Your Values?

If you’re struggling to be as successful as you’d like to be, there’s a great chance that a discrepancy exists between your goals and your values. If our goals are antithetical to our values, success is all but impossible. We don’t like to behave in ways that are counter to our values. If a mismatch exists, something has to give.

If you’re forever coming up short when it comes to achieving your dreams, your values might be at odds with your goals.

Use these techniques to set goals that support your values:

  1. List your current values. Have you ever taken the time to examine your values? Most people have never given their values a second thought. This is a shame, because a person’s values guide their thinking, decisions, and actions.

â—Ź Take 30 minutes and list your values. Put them in order of their priority to you.

● Ask yourself if your behavior is aligned with your values. If there’s a mismatch, what set of values would actually represent your behavior?

â—Ź Most of us have an idealized impression of our intentions, values, and qualities.

  1. What are you trying to accomplish? What are your goals in life? What do you want to accomplish? Do you want to be wealthy? Get a six-pack? Write a screenplay? Save the whales? Build a real estate empire? The first step to any great success is to identify your objectives.
  2. How do your current values impact your goals? If your values and goals don’t match, the odds of success are dismal without something changing.

● For example, if you believe that wealthy people are fundamentally bad, you’ll never accumulate a significant amount of wealth.

â—Ź If comfort is a high priority for you, that six-pack will never materialize.

● Do you value having a lot of leisure time? A goal that requires a lot of work isn’t going to happen.

â—Ź Look at your goals and look at your values. Do your goals support those values? Do your values support your goals?

  1. What would be the perfect set of values to support your goals? Imagine you could build a person from scratch that would be perfect for accomplishing your goals. What values and qualities would they possess? How would you be different if you had these values?

â—Ź Think about the people you know that have accomplished what you want to accomplish. How would you describe them?

  1. How close can you come to matching those values? How well can you rearrange your values to match that ideal set of values? The closer you’re able to come, the greater the odds of your success.
  2. Reinforce the values that matter. Imagine that your goal is to save $20,000 for a down payment on a home. Let’s suppose that you’ve determined that you need to be someone that values saving money over spending. How can you build this value in yourself and make it a part of you?

● Prove to yourself that you’re that type of person: For example, pick up pennies you find on the ground and save them. Cut coupons. Find new ways of dealing with stress other than shopping. Save part of your income as soon as your paycheck hits your bank account.

â—Ź When you keep proving to yourself over and over again that you possess a value, those actions will build and reinforce that value.

Are your goals and values a good match? It’s important that they are. When a mismatch exists, it’s important to either alter your values or your goals. There’s only so much resistance a person can overcome. Success is much easier when your values and your intentions are highly compatible.

Love Allie

How To Create Your Own Opportunities

Chopra Melissa Eisler

There are people in this life who always seem to be in the right place at the right time. They’re the ones who appear to always land the dream job and live the dream life, fulfilling their passions, or their life’s purpose, in ways you can only imagine. Their life seems to be marked by a profound sense of groundedness, self-realization, and joy.

Fortunately, those people aren’t just subject to luck and chance. Opportunities are present all around you as well; you just need to learn how to identify and step into them. There is nothing in this world that says you can’t fulfill your own dreams and create a life you want to live. On the contrary, God invites you to step into who you were created to be, offering your unique skills to others in ways only you can.

Whether you’re an entrepreneur embarking on your next business idea or a visionary simply wanting to start a new quest in your personal life, you don’t need to wait around for an opportunity to present itself. By knowing yourself and making a conscious effort to push forward, you can create your own opportunities or find ones that fit what you’re looking for.

Here are six ways to navigate the process and step into your success:

1. Understand Who You Are

Before you start the journey of finding or creating an opportunity, you first need to know yourself on a deep level. Anything you do should come out of a sense of who you are, so that your unique skillset can be used to the fullest extent possible. By identifying what you can offer that is also in line with your personal values, you can begin to hone what is or isn’t an opportunity for you. For example, if you are highly skilled in biology and value helping others, then a great opportunity would be to look into medical or nursing school (as opposed to becoming a graphic designer.)

To get a better sense of your unique offering, take a half-day retreat to reflect on what makes you special, what you value, and what skills you’d like to offer others. Beforehand, ask those closest to you to answer the following questions (and answer them yourself) to use for your reflection:

  • What do you admire most about me?
  • If you could describe me in one word, what would it be?
  • What unique qualities do I possess?
  • What do I offer others?
  • What am I naturally good at?

2. Believe in What You Offer

Once you have a strong understanding of who you are and what you want to offer, believe in your power to offer those skills. Developing self-confidence can open up doors that you may not have knocked on before. By projecting this type of confidence, you encourage others to view you as an expert in your skills. If you believe in yourself, others will too.

3. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Opportunities rarely happen in your comfort zone. If an opportunity were prone to present itself where you are, then you’d already have one. Use your confidence to step outside your comfort zone and engage people and situations that will help get you to where you want to be.

If you want to develop an app, join a networking event in your area that focuses on the tech industry. If you want to start a travel blog, go somewhere you’ve never been and interview locals to get an insider’s look into the area. If you’re looking for a business partner, join local entrepreneurial meetups and networking events. By putting yourself out there and meeting people who will support your dream, you’re more likely to create opportunities for yourself.

4. Remain Open

You might set out with a goal in mind of exactly what you want to do and how you want to do it, but rarely will life work out exactly how you think it will. By not holding anything too tightly, you open yourself up to opportunities that may not have even been on your radar before.

For instance, if you’re a storyteller at heart and have a passion for giving other people a voice, you might be able to use those skills in a corporate communications or marketing job that develops testimonials. You get to know people and their story while also meeting a business need. Be flexible as you take action. Sometimes opportunities that use your skills are different than what you expect.

5. Create Good Karma

As much as creating opportunities is based on doing, it’s also about how you do it. Being a good person and putting positivity into the Universe invites good things to happen in return. Take time to genuinely connect with others, instead of having a one-track mind for building an opportunity for yourself. By creating lasting, solid relationships, people will remember you when an opportunity arises that requires your expertise.

And when and where you can, volunteer your time and talent! Offer guidance and counsel based on your skills, establishing credibility and laying the foundation for when a full-blown opportunity presents itself. If you have a listening ear and want to become a counselor, volunteer your services at a local community center or offer your time pro bono at a counseling firm. Even if an opportunity doesn’t manifest immediately, have faith that something is on the horizon. 

6. Be Decisive

When opportunities arise, take advantage of them with confidence. You haven’t planned, primed, and nurtured a pipeline of opportunities to let them go to waste. The amount of preparation you’ve done will equip you to know whether or not an opportunity is right for you. You’re able to make an informed decision based on your confidence, skills, and knowledge of self. Step into your power and feel assured that you cannot make a wrong decision. If you step into an opportunity that eventually turns out to be less-than-perfect, you’ll know that it served its purpose of leading you to the next one. Every step in your journey happens for a reason.

Use these tips to create opportunities that align with who you are and what you were meant to do. Remember to enjoy the process, be patient, and maintain a positive outlook. This world needs what you have to give.

Love Allieđź’›

One Cool Story & Three Happiness Keys

The Two Wolves

One evening sitting around the fire, the grandson of an old and wise chief asked his grandfather, “Why is life so unhappy Grandad?”

His grandfather thought for a moment, and then asked, “Can you hear the wolves howling in the distance?”

“Yes I can Grandad,” replied the boy.

“Have you noticed how some of the wolves are angry and aggressive and some are gentle and friendly?”

“Yes I have Grandad,” replied the boy, “I like the baby wolf with the stripes who follows me when I go hunting.”

“Well, we have two wolves inside us also,” replied his grandfather.

“One leads us to misery and unhappiness. 

It sows seeds of anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority and lies.

The other leads us to happiness. 

It sows the seeds of joy, peace, love, hope, kindness, generosity and compassion.”

The grandson was quiet for a while and then asked: “Which wolf wins Grandad?”

“The one you feed,” the old chief replied.

– Author Anon

Hands up who wants to be miserable!

Psychologists say that everything we do, we do because we want either avoid pain or attain pleasure.

So why do we spend so much of our time being unhappy?

Perhaps we could start by examining our goal – we may be telling ourselves that we should feel happy all the time. 

When our experience does not meet with our expectation, and we are not happy all the time, we may feel that we have failed. 

In addition we have magnified our problem by being unhappy about being unhappy!

Is it reasonable to expect to be happy all the time? 

Isn’t it natural for life to be a series of ups followed by downs, and downs followed by ups?

What would you think of someone who was laughing all the time no matter what?

You may conclude that they were not in touch with reality!

Even if our own lives were perfect, if we are compassionate people and a friend shares a sadness with us, would it not be human to be sad alongside them?

So maybe it is not reasonable, or possible, to be happy all the time. 

However, it would seem reasonable to have a goal of increasing the amount of time we are happy and to be happy more often.

How do we increase the amount of time we are happy?

1. Happiness comes from the word happy.

This is derived from the sound “ha” which is the noise we make when we laugh! 

Hopefully that made you smile – which is the first key to happiness!

2. Happiness is a feeling. 

What is the nature of feelings? 

They come and go – up and down, round and round, never resting or staying the same and always in a state of flux and change.

So is not realistic to expect that once we feel happy that we will be happy forever. 

The good side of this is that if we are unhappy at the moment, it is realistic to think that sooner or later we will be happy again.

3. Feelings are like clouds. 

Sometimes there are happy fluffy clouds in the sky, sometimes there are thunder clouds and sometimes the clouds cry with rain. 

But rain clouds pass after rain, and the great expanse of sky remains unaffected. 

The sky is always blue. 

The sun is always shining. 

Sometimes we cannot see it or feel it, but all day (and all night!) it burns bright and warm. 

Happiness is here now. 

Can you think of just one reason to be happy? 

Then be happy. 

Practice letting go of the habit of always thinking about the 2% of your life that’s “wrong,” and focus on the 98% that’s “not wrong.” 

HOW TO HARNESS THE POWER OF YOUR INDIVIDUALITY

Coaches Kathleen Cameron and Allison Garrett share their secrets to realizing massive success.

by JAY FELDMAN

“Forge your own path,” “write your own story,” and “you define your worth.” All phrases we know and have heard, but it’s often not fully understood how much of an impact they can create. Truly knowing that you are in control of your life and your path is empowering. Once you understand that you don’t have limits beyond what you place on yourself, you have the power to remove any obstacles holding you back.  Harnessing your freedom allows you to realize that any blocks you find in your path simply require a creative solution. These lessons are preached by top success and manifestation coaches across the globe.

You Determine Your Worth

Your self-image is pivotal in realizing your true potential. As master manifestation coach Kathleen Cameron always says, “You cannot outperform your self-image.” This means if you don’t think you’re capable, you won’t be. The ability to put your all into something isn’t possible without you believing that you are working for something that is worth working towards.  Cameron’s coaching is centered around this mentality of realizing your potential. Cameron knows that everyone has potential, but it’s all about the ability to harness it, and that starts with your self-image, and most importantly, practicing self-love. Loving yourself will not only allow you to reach the greatness you are after but push you towards it.

Reframe Your Mindset

Allison Garrett is a life and success coach that has broken the mold.  She openly shares her story of a life that provided limitation after limitation if she were to have allowed it. She has appropriately called her coaching company “The Prisonbreak Coach” reflecting her own journey around the limitations a criminal record.  She realized that all she needed was to reframe her mindset and see those roadblocks as opportunities. Garrett had a choice, to either allow the limitations of the world to prevent her from finding a thriving future or to create her own path.  She chose to define her worth and determine her future, and now she’s helping others do the same and break free from their own mental prisons, realizing their own greatness.

How to Do It?

Changing your mindset isn’t a one and done task.  It takes commitment, but it is as easy as reframing your thoughts.  Garrett’s own daily practice is about positive thinking and believing in its power.  She teaches her clients to create their own reality and it will be what manifests in their lives. Instead of focusing on the negative, you focus on the positive. Instead of thinking “I don’t have a job,” reframe the thought to “I have an opportunity to find a new and better path for myself.”  You attract what you put out in the world, so put out positivity.

This goes for your self-image as well. Cameron teaches that when you see yourself as successful, you will find yourself successful. A positive mindset about your life needs to include a positive image of yourself.  Learn about yourself and appreciate it all.  Realize how your uniqueness is power and you should embrace it.

Use your mind as a tool to help lead you to the greatness you are capable of realizing. Garrett and Cameron are both evidence of how following their methods will lead you to massive success.  Don’t let yourself be what gets in your way.

Dare to Dream Again


“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” ~Wolfgang von Goethe

I used to dream a lot when I was younger. Words like frustration or disillusionment had yet to enter my vocabulary and, in many ways life was easier. I basically had a single job growing up : dreaming and hoping for the future (believe me, I was rather good at it!). But time passed and I made my way through adulthood. Life happened and I stopped dreaming, believing that you have to be realistic if you don’t want to get your ass kicked. I thought “dreaming is something for kids, so we should just grow up at some point, shouldn’t we?”

No, we should not.

I had never thought I would stop dreaming. Ever since my childhood, I couldn’t help but let ideas flow into my head days and night. Whether projects, articles or even business ideas, nothing seemed impossible as long as I was determined to do it. People used to ask how I had so much energy and I would just reply that “ It’s simple, I believe I’m supposed to be doing it, I’ve seen it, I will create it with effortless ease.”

My calling was there all along, and I ignored it because I listened to other people.

Many do not share their dreams due to feeling they will be judged. 

Dreams look different for each of us. The significance of any dream is that it propels you forward. Dreams give us energy and make us enthusiastic. Dreams propel us forward. 

The world is full of dream crushers and idea killers. I’ve worked with many clients who never pursued their dreams because another person stated it could never happen for one reason or the other. 

A large percentage of us are not dreaming due to our dreams being put down or past disappointments. 

We find ourselves on auto pilot because it takes little effort and thought, it is easy. We get up each day and repeat what has been done the day before. We find we are existing in the world but not living.

As we enter the last several weeks of 2020, I ask that you explore if you are allowing yourself to have dreams or have you become complacent and have stopped dreaming. 

Dreaming is not just something that happens to us passively when we go to sleep, it’s a choice, a desire: to believe in the future and what might be waiting for us.

Dare to dream again đź’›

Tansform Your Relationship With Money and Change Your Life

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Statistics show that within seven years of coming into money, the average person will be living at the same economic level as before the windfall appeared. The explanation for this typically lies in a person’s “money scripts”, the powerful beliefs they formed about money, usually in childhood. These money scripts tend to remain unconscious and tend to be “generational” in that they frequently get passed down from parent to child.

Money scripts can be difficult to spot because they’ll often feel “true” to the person and, in certain circumstances, may even be true. However, if they remain unquestioned, they mean we repeat patterns that deprive us of prosperity and peace of mind.

To give you an idea of what money scripts look like, here are some common ones:

WORKAHOLICS

Once you have enough money, then you’ll be able to relax and enjoy life
You must work hard for money
The more money you have, the happier and safer you will be
Your worth is determined by how much money you make

THOSE WHO HAVE MONEY

You can’t trust anyone with your money
People only want you for your money
You didn’t work for this money, so you don’t deserve it
You mustn’t lose, or make a mistake with, the money you’ve got

THOSE WHO DON’T HAVE MONEY

This isn’t enough money – so there’s no point in trying to save
You’re not worth more (so stay in the job you hate)
Money is bad / evil / unimportant
Rich people got that way by taking advantage of others
You deserve to treat yourself so spending beyond your means is okay

WOMEN

Husbands take care of money so wives don’t have to
Making money is difficult / overwhelming / impossible
You’ll never be able to earn enough, so you need a man with money

MONEY IN RELATIONSHIPS

Understanding what messages you received about money in your childhood is the first step to learning how to communicate with others about money. If you don’t understand your own history and “childhood tapes”, then conversations about money (with spouses, friends, family members, bosses) are unlikely to be as easy and straightforward as they could be.

Statistics suggest that 70% of marital breakdowns are due to money problems. Of course the arguments aren’t actually about the money per se – these disputes happen whether funds are tight or plentiful. What couples are really arguing about is their own attitude to money, and what it represents. Is money for spending and giving away? Is money for safety and security? Does money equal power in a relationship? Does money equal love? Is it acceptable for a wife to earn more than her husband? Does one have to share everything or is it okay to have secret funds (or secret debts) that your partner doesn’t know about?

All sorts of relationship dynamics can get unleashed around money which can represent so many things – power, control, safety, security, status, worth, love. According to research from the American Sociological Association, the more economically dependent a man is on his female partner, the more likely he is to cheat on her. Whilst for women, economic dependency seems to have the opposite effect.

Life changes that shift income – a promotion, a redundancy, giving up work to look after children – also typically shift the power balance in a relationship. When one member of the couple earns less, they may feel they have to take on the role of “pleaser” in the relationship, to make up for not bringing as much to the table. Equally, if the poorer partner feels beholden to the richer one, they’re likely to drop into victimhood or resentment (or both) especially if they’re having to ask for money which can feel humiliating and disempowering.