So, how do you eliminate your baggage once and for all?
1. Accept Your Past For What It Is
This is where you need to be brutally honest with yourself and accept that the past cannot be changed. You need to make peace with every aspect of it so you can move forward.
2. Pay Attention To The Warning Signs
If your heart is saying one thing and your head is saying another, don’t ignore it! Take note of what is happening. In fact, make a list. When you start arguing with your ex-spouse in your head even though he or she is miles away, write it down. When you daydream about being able to say, “I told you so,” because your ex-spouse is getting another divorce, write it down. When you feel you’re not worthy, write it down. Make a practical list of your baggage so you can see it with your own eyes and it becomes real.
3. Plan Your Strategy
After you’ve identified the areas you need to work on, make a simple list of practical ways you can overcome them. It can be a positive thought to counteract a negative one… a quick prayer you say to stop the fight video playing in your head, or going to the confession more often to talk to the priest about your struggle, receive the graces you need to persevere, and feel that ugly burden lifted from your shoulders. The options are endless, and only you can determine which step will be most effective for you.
Because you’ve endured the traumatic loss of your marriage, you need to make sure you are not dating anyone with the intention of finding a cure for your hurt. If you find you are doing this, I highly encourage you to withdraw from dating until you’ve dealt with that. Taking these steps will help your heart become truly free from attachments and baggage and you will eventually be ready to give it to someone else.
One last important note… there is no formal time frame for achieving this. It will be different for everyone. You are done when you are done. And remember that this process will strengthen you; it has a sort of tempering affect. If you are honest with yourself and open your heart, this important time in your life can change you for the better and make you stronger and wiser because of the experience.