10 Ways to Let Go and Open Up to Love Again

Imagine if we only had one chance in life to be happy or successful.

In our careers.

In our choice of friends.

Or in love.

What a very sad world it would be if we were all doomed to work in jobs we hated or to hang around people we no longer connect with. Worse yet, what if we lost our chance at love?

Why put yourself through so much pain and suffering for a love that hurts and could end?

Tiny Buddha nailed it.

The reason to give love another shot, I’ve learned, is that by loving better and deeper, we become even more whole. Our hurt and tears clear the fog around our heart and illuminate the soul.

The journey to love is a journey to one’s self, your highest, most sacred and loving self.

There are plenty of obstacles keeping us from loving again. Sad to say, I’ve experienced them all.

Here are ten way to let go of the obstacles preventing you from having love in your life.

1. Let go of pain.

You can’t let go of pain  by resisting it. You could avoid the pain for some time, but in order to move on you must fully embrace the pain.

Embracing the pain means experiencing loss, sadness, and grief. As difficult as it might be, allow the tears to flow and share your experience with your friends and family.

Write down your feelings and come to terms with the emotions you’re going through.

Instead of judging yourself harshly for your feelings, wash yourself in compassion for finding the strength to move through your pain.

2. Let go of trespasses.

When you break up, you feel like you want to blame everyone for causing your heartache. This includes not just your ex, but also their parents, your parents, their friends, your friends, and everyone in between.

The only way to stop blaming others  is to forgive them. No matter how grave the offense or how unacceptable their behavior, your healing starts when you let go of the gripe. Yes, it was unfair; yes, it was unjust; and yes, they did you wrong. But there’s nothing to be done now but forgive.

Forgive people, because they, like us, have many imperfections. They know not what they do. They don’t live up to our expectations and have had difficult pasts that we may not understand fully.

3. Let go of bitterness.

The way to let go of bitterness toward others is to think of the many positive qualities and experiences you’ve had with them.

Your ex is not an evil person; they just weren’t the best person for you.

Instead of being stuck on their flaws and wrongdoings, allow the power of forgiveness to overlook what they’ve ‘done’ to you. Look at what good they’ve done, how much they’ve helped you be a better person, and the happy times you had together.

Remind yourself of their redeeming qualities. See their light.

4. Let go of resentments.

We let go of self pity and resentments by being more grateful.

Not only be thankful to your ex and the relationship you shared, but start living a life filled with gratefulness.

Notice the small things and the big things that are constantly occurring around you.

Appreciate the kind gesture, the words of encouragement, and the favorable circumstances that unfold in your life.

Making a small gratitude list as you start or end the day can help you move from focusing on resentments to focusing on thankfulness.

5. Let go comparing yourself to others.

What I’ve learned is that no relationship is perfect and most relationships look good from the outside. Comparing your relationship to others isn’t very constructive.

Once again, transform bitterness toward others to gratefulness that others have found love in their lives. If others have found love, let that be a message of hope and possibility for you.

We are each on our own journeys to better understanding ourselves and loving better. Our journey is independent of anyone else’s.

Your day will come. Your broken love and loss are the seeds of true love.

6. Let go of expectations.

We’ve grown up to expect a lot of things to turn out a certain way. But like the weather and weather reports, you can’t count on sunny and bright all the time.

If we can’t expect good weather, we sure can’t expect a perfect love or a partner to behave a certain way.

The way to be happy in and out of relationships is to let go of expectations and conditions.

Your Mr. or Mrs. Right isn’t a certain height, a certain profession, or a specific personality.

Be open to the magic of possibilities.

7. Let go of resistance.

Although love can be painful and heart-breaking, be willing to open your heart anyway.

Be open to meeting new people, be open to being vulnerable, and be open to falling in love again.

Love can only bloom if you’re open to love in your life. Set the intention for love to enter again.

8. Let go of being tough.

I know the feeling well. “The stronger and I am the more closed I am to others, the less likely someone else will hurt me again.”

If you close your heart and feelings to others, you may avoid pain but you’ll also miss out on happiness and joy.

Seek to be your most honest self. Instead of hiding behind a cloak of someone you’re not, be yourself in the world, which will only make you more attractive.

By being true to yourself, you’ll also attract people who are better suited for you.

Being vulnerable means being honest about your shortcomings and sharing your feelings. It’s choosing honesty over trying to look good.

9. Let go of telling the same story over and over.

You want to tell the same sad story repeatedly to friends—a love gone wrong, a love soured, a love that fell apart.

What if that story simply wasn’t true?

There are many perspectives and stories in every relationship. Are you holding onto a story of resentment and bitterness?

Are you willing to see a different story? A different perspective?

Could the lost love have helped you grow? Heal some part of yourself? Learn about an open wound?

Is the story you’re telling yourself blocking love from entering your life again?

10. Let go of fear.

The way to let go of fear is to recognize and embrace it.

How is fear holding you back? Is it keeping you stuck from living the life you want or the love you desire?

Call fear out for what it is. What is the worst that can happen if this fear came true? How likely is it that this fear will come true? Have you overcome fears like this in your past?

When you confront fear and acknowledge it for what it is, you can have an honest conversation with fear.

Ultimately, a partner is a mirror and guide to help you complete the journey to your truest self. Even if you break up with them, they can be a conduit to healing and being made whole.

Let go of your blocks keeping you from experiencing joy. Let go and choose love again.

An unknown author wrote, When two who have suffered find each other, the bond is like steel. They become each others’ soul mates and comfort from the storm of life. At the same time, they stir the deepest, darkest desires in each other.

Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we’re gone.~Cecelia Ahern, P.S. I Love You

Because I let go and chose love again, I found my “Perfect For Me” husband to be. My forever. My left arm. My soulmate. My Mr James Garrett. PS….I Love You❤️

 

How To Move Beyond Your Past To Create An Ex-traordinary Life

What Is Your Idea Worth Spreading?

Twenty-nine speakers will convene, one week from today, at the World Café Live at The Queen to host a series of talks as a part of the 2015 Wilmington TEDx Conference, Pioneering & Innovating.

That’s super exciting right?  Well the most exciting part is,  I was selected to share the stage with some of the most phenomenal men and women and share my ‘idea worth spreading’!  When I received the email, to say I was stoked would be an understatement. I have literally dreamed about doing a TEDx Talk for years. I have even visualized and seen myself on stage presenting, but I must admit, coming up with my ‘idea worth spreading’, wasn’t as easy as I thought.

I had mulled over several ideas in my head, watched other TED Talks for inspiration, and jotted pages of notes. I had tons of things I could share, I mean I’m a transformational speaker. I share all the time, but I had to dig deep to realize what was my idea worth spreading?  Was it my story of redemption? Was it my idea for at risk youth? Was it my path to becoming a successful entrepreneur?  I reached out to two people for assistance. First, I called on Ajit Matthew George, TEDx Wilmington organizer. He assured me that my problem wasn’t coming up with the idea worth spreading, it was that I had so many things I could share, and wanted to share I just needed to choose one. Next I called Marla Blunt-Carter, Assistant Professor at the School of Social Work at Rutgers University.  Not only does she use TED Talks as a part of her curriculum, she knows what I want to share. She  helped me tie my ideas all together so that  it made sense; not just to me but to my soon to be global audience.

So what is my idea worth sharing? How to move beyond your past and create an extraordinary life.  There is this idea that when we are in a bad situation, we will do whatever it takes to escape it. I ask clients all the time, what are they willing to do to ‘escape’ their situation. “Whatever I can!” I found myself in bad situations practically my entire life and I used to believe the same thing.  The reality is, most want to, but are simply so programmed by past experiences, they eventually give up trying to escape.  Their inaction keeps them in an undesirable situation and they just choose to accept it. I want people to consider that the limitations of their past are self imposed and has them is a prison of their own making, thus living an ordinary life.  Once you acknowledge this programming, you can choose to take control of your destiny, refuse to give up and live a life of true freedom, the Extraordinary life. Do you wish you were further along in life? Are you living the life you’ve been ‘programmed’ to live?-The Ordinary; or are you living the live you were ‘created’ to live?; The Extraordinary! Come find out on Wednesday, October 28th. Its over 90% sold OUT!

To come hear my idea worth spreading and all of the other amazing ideas register at http://www.tedxwilmington.com

Please share!

How to Transform Your Life in 6 Minutes a Day

Oh, you’re busy? Weird, I thought it was just me.

No matter where you are in life at this moment, there is at least one thing that you and I have in common: We want to improve our lives and ourselves.

Here’s the catch: To create the life that you ultimately want, you must first dedicate time each day to becoming that person who is capable of creating and sustaining that level of success.

Minute 1: S is for silence.
Instead of hitting the snooze button, and then rushing through your day feeling stressed and overwhelmed, invest your first minute in sitting in purposeful silence. Sit quietly, calm and peaceful and breathe deeply. Maybe you meditate. Center yourself and create an optimum state of mind that will lead you effectively through the rest of your day.

Maybe you say a prayer of gratitude and appreciate the moment. As you sit in silence, you quiet your mind, relax your body and allow your stress to melt away. You develop a deeper sense of clarity, purpose, and direction.

Minute 2: A is for Affiormations.
Pull out and read your page of afformations — written statements that remind you of your unlimited potential, your most important goals and the actions you must take today to achieve them. Reading over reminders of how capable you really are motivates you. Looking over which actions you must take, re-energizes you to focus on doing what’s necessary today to take your life to the next level.

Minute 3. V is for visualization.
Close your eyes and visualize what it will look like and feel like when you reach your goals. Seeing your ideal vision increases your belief that it’s possible and your desire to make it a reality.

Minute 4. E is for exercise.
Stand up and move your body for 60 seconds, long enough to increase the flow of blood and oxygen to your brain. You could easily do a minute of jumping jacks, push-ups, or sit-ups. The point is that you raise your heart rate, generate energy and increase your ability to be alert and focused.

Minute 5. R is for reading.
Grab the self-help book you’re currently reading and read one page, maybe two. Learn a new idea, something you can incorporate into your day, which will improve your results at work or in your relationships. Discover something new that you can use to think better, feel better and live better.

Minute 6. S is for scribing.
Pull out your journal and take one minute to write down something you’re grateful for, something you’re proud of and the top one to three results that you’re committed to creating that day. In doing so, you create the clarity and motivation that you need to take action.

Start Today!

How would you feel if that’s how you used the first six minutes of each day? How would the quality of your day — and your life — improve? We can all agree that investing a minimum of six minutes into becoming the person that we need to be to create the lives we truly want is not only reasonable. It’s an absolute must.

Love Allison 💛

Are You Desperate? Prison Worker Accused Of Helping Inmates Escape Pleads Guilty

Prison Worker Accused Of Helping Inmates Escape Pleads Guilty: had closet sex with killer at least 100 times and plotted to kill her husband.

“I think that to a certain extent, Matt got her to feeling good about herself, better than she had for a period of time, and she was swept off her feet a bit;” her attorney said.

“I enjoyed the attention, the feeling both of them gave me and the thought of a different life,” Joyce said.

Now before you judge and talk about how ridiculous this sounds, be honest and think of some of the desperate times desperate measures you’ve had when it came to a man. I know I’ve had some “never say never” just plain desperate encounters.

Oprah Winfrey once shared that while she was in her 20s, she had such a low self esteem that her relationships were a wreck. One story that she told was about a boyfriend of hers who told her that he wanted to break up and she fell to her knees and cried and begged him not to leave. The television and movie star says that as her man walked out the door, she clung to his ankles in a desperate attempt to get him to stay.

Unfortunately, many women have at least one story in their past where they allowed themselves to do crazy things because they had convinced themselves they couldn’t live without a man.

What defines a desperate person? Desperate people make decisions that are not in their best interest out of fear.
Some common fears that single people grapple with include:

*Fear of being alone
*Fear of being forced to settle
*Fear of repeating the past
*Fear of never experiencing true love
*Fear of never being accepted (flaws and all)

How do you stop this cycle? To stop being desperate you have to end the pattern of inaccurate, negative beliefs about yourself. You need to begin to believe that you have something wonderful to offer and that the person you’re “meant” to be with is actually out there. In other words, you need to begin to re-train your brain.

Here are a few ways to start:

1. Take a break from dating and focus your attention exclusively on things you’re confident t and good at doing.

2. Look at your pattern for seeking help, and change it.

3. Give love back to other people, places and things.

4. Give yourself a makeover.

5. Give the judge and jury in your head a rest.

Try one of these ideas to get started, or try them all for a deeper impact.

Creating your extraordinary life includes having an extraordinary relationship. 💛

Love Allison

Do Prisons Reform Criminals?

Many people hold on to the expectation of prisoners being restored by some special class, some program, some psych doctor, or group therapy. A professional was to brief through an inmates file and decide what was necessary in order for the offender to be “changed or corrected.”

I myself was labeled as a habitual offender with an arrest record dating back to 1988, and was given “the” intervention plan. None. How was I to be committed to prison for 1 1/2 to 7 years, expecting to be rehabilitated without a design for treatment? With Delaware prison systems managing about 8,000 inmates in 12 prisons and facilities, Community Corrections supervising about 17,000 probationers and 535 parolees and a budget of about $200 million dollars a year, you have to ask yourself if what they are doing is working. Better yet, what are they doing? The crime rate in Delaware is 8% above the national average and violent crimes are about 32% higher than other states. The rate of adults under correctional supervision, including prisons, jails, probation, and parole is about 40% higher than the national rate. I believe these statistics are the catalyst for a different approach.

I’ve asked quite a few about their perspective of criminals, their behavior and the idea of prison as punishment and reform, and what many fail to realize is that the overcrowding prison system itself serves as fuel to the cycle it is created to cease. It is merely a holding place with little hope of being effective standing alone. The life typically hardens inmates who often leave worse than they were when they were first committed. The prison population forces long waiting lists and inapt programs with a quick fix approach to deep rooted problems. There is little focus on core criminal behavior which resides in the criminal mind, no focus on real life skills or the tools to cope with life after confinement.

“Three hots and a cot” is the term for prison, which suggests a lax environment, a place to sleep and three hot meals a day. Although confined, prisoners have little responsibility; they don’t wash their own clothes, cook their own meals and they take directions on what to do and when to do it., it is easier to live inside four prison walls than out in the community as a responsible citizen. It is training ground for dependence upon the system, while inside and upon release, that is why so many return. A prisoner released is no different at the end of the sentence without effective solutions during incarceration, pre-release, and post release.

What is needed is a comprehensive approach with more effective methods. The focus should be to put the $200 million where it counts, habilitating the offender. If rehabilitation means to restore formally to former capacity, standing, rank, rights or privileges, than habilitaion is what is needed. Most offenders have never lived a life desired to be restored. Habilitate-to equip, impart an ability, to qualify or entitle. They need vocational training, with job placement. They need employers to forgive them after their time has been served. I’m not sure that “Inmate at Cambridge Springs Correctional Institution” would impress an HR recruiter for any of the “Best Places To Work In America.” In other words, they need to be empowered.