10 Ways to Let Go and Open Up to Love Again

Imagine if we only had one chance in life to be happy or successful.

In our careers.

In our choice of friends.

Or in love.

What a very sad world it would be if we were all doomed to work in jobs we hated or to hang around people we no longer connect with. Worse yet, what if we lost our chance at love?

Why put yourself through so much pain and suffering for a love that hurts and could end?

Tiny Buddha nailed it.

The reason to give love another shot, I’ve learned, is that by loving better and deeper, we become even more whole. Our hurt and tears clear the fog around our heart and illuminate the soul.

The journey to love is a journey to one’s self, your highest, most sacred and loving self.

There are plenty of obstacles keeping us from loving again. Sad to say, I’ve experienced them all.

Here are ten way to let go of the obstacles preventing you from having love in your life.

1. Let go of pain.

You can’t let go of pain  by resisting it. You could avoid the pain for some time, but in order to move on you must fully embrace the pain.

Embracing the pain means experiencing loss, sadness, and grief. As difficult as it might be, allow the tears to flow and share your experience with your friends and family.

Write down your feelings and come to terms with the emotions you’re going through.

Instead of judging yourself harshly for your feelings, wash yourself in compassion for finding the strength to move through your pain.

2. Let go of trespasses.

When you break up, you feel like you want to blame everyone for causing your heartache. This includes not just your ex, but also their parents, your parents, their friends, your friends, and everyone in between.

The only way to stop blaming others  is to forgive them. No matter how grave the offense or how unacceptable their behavior, your healing starts when you let go of the gripe. Yes, it was unfair; yes, it was unjust; and yes, they did you wrong. But there’s nothing to be done now but forgive.

Forgive people, because they, like us, have many imperfections. They know not what they do. They don’t live up to our expectations and have had difficult pasts that we may not understand fully.

3. Let go of bitterness.

The way to let go of bitterness toward others is to think of the many positive qualities and experiences you’ve had with them.

Your ex is not an evil person; they just weren’t the best person for you.

Instead of being stuck on their flaws and wrongdoings, allow the power of forgiveness to overlook what they’ve ‘done’ to you. Look at what good they’ve done, how much they’ve helped you be a better person, and the happy times you had together.

Remind yourself of their redeeming qualities. See their light.

4. Let go of resentments.

We let go of self pity and resentments by being more grateful.

Not only be thankful to your ex and the relationship you shared, but start living a life filled with gratefulness.

Notice the small things and the big things that are constantly occurring around you.

Appreciate the kind gesture, the words of encouragement, and the favorable circumstances that unfold in your life.

Making a small gratitude list as you start or end the day can help you move from focusing on resentments to focusing on thankfulness.

5. Let go comparing yourself to others.

What I’ve learned is that no relationship is perfect and most relationships look good from the outside. Comparing your relationship to others isn’t very constructive.

Once again, transform bitterness toward others to gratefulness that others have found love in their lives. If others have found love, let that be a message of hope and possibility for you.

We are each on our own journeys to better understanding ourselves and loving better. Our journey is independent of anyone else’s.

Your day will come. Your broken love and loss are the seeds of true love.

6. Let go of expectations.

We’ve grown up to expect a lot of things to turn out a certain way. But like the weather and weather reports, you can’t count on sunny and bright all the time.

If we can’t expect good weather, we sure can’t expect a perfect love or a partner to behave a certain way.

The way to be happy in and out of relationships is to let go of expectations and conditions.

Your Mr. or Mrs. Right isn’t a certain height, a certain profession, or a specific personality.

Be open to the magic of possibilities.

7. Let go of resistance.

Although love can be painful and heart-breaking, be willing to open your heart anyway.

Be open to meeting new people, be open to being vulnerable, and be open to falling in love again.

Love can only bloom if you’re open to love in your life. Set the intention for love to enter again.

8. Let go of being tough.

I know the feeling well. “The stronger and I am the more closed I am to others, the less likely someone else will hurt me again.”

If you close your heart and feelings to others, you may avoid pain but you’ll also miss out on happiness and joy.

Seek to be your most honest self. Instead of hiding behind a cloak of someone you’re not, be yourself in the world, which will only make you more attractive.

By being true to yourself, you’ll also attract people who are better suited for you.

Being vulnerable means being honest about your shortcomings and sharing your feelings. It’s choosing honesty over trying to look good.

9. Let go of telling the same story over and over.

You want to tell the same sad story repeatedly to friends—a love gone wrong, a love soured, a love that fell apart.

What if that story simply wasn’t true?

There are many perspectives and stories in every relationship. Are you holding onto a story of resentment and bitterness?

Are you willing to see a different story? A different perspective?

Could the lost love have helped you grow? Heal some part of yourself? Learn about an open wound?

Is the story you’re telling yourself blocking love from entering your life again?

10. Let go of fear.

The way to let go of fear is to recognize and embrace it.

How is fear holding you back? Is it keeping you stuck from living the life you want or the love you desire?

Call fear out for what it is. What is the worst that can happen if this fear came true? How likely is it that this fear will come true? Have you overcome fears like this in your past?

When you confront fear and acknowledge it for what it is, you can have an honest conversation with fear.

Ultimately, a partner is a mirror and guide to help you complete the journey to your truest self. Even if you break up with them, they can be a conduit to healing and being made whole.

Let go of your blocks keeping you from experiencing joy. Let go and choose love again.

An unknown author wrote, When two who have suffered find each other, the bond is like steel. They become each others’ soul mates and comfort from the storm of life. At the same time, they stir the deepest, darkest desires in each other.

Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we’re gone.~Cecelia Ahern, P.S. I Love You

Because I let go and chose love again, I found my “Perfect For Me” husband to be. My forever. My left arm. My soulmate. My Mr James Garrett. PS….I Love You❤️

 

7 Things You Must Leave Behind To Get Ahead in 2016

To move forward, you have to leave some things behind.

1.Beliefs That No Longer Serve You: If you want to move forward, you have to be willing to shed the old beliefs that you hold but that no longer serve you.

2. Your Willingness To Rationalize: It’s easy to find something external on which to place the blame for the areas where your results aren’t what you want them to be.

3. Your Willingness to Procrastinate
You are not a procrastinator because there is no such thing. You are a human being who happens to procrastinate.

4. Making Small Choices: Most television is a small choice. Spending time arguing about politics is a small choice.

5. Your Desire for Comfort: Once you reach this point, you’re comfortable. And comfort is a dangerous state. You were born hungry.

6. Your Fears: This is a big one. The one thing most likely to keep you from success is fear. You might be afraid of what other people will think.

7. People Who Don’t Support You: There are some people that can’t be happy for your success.
If you want to transform yourself, you are going to need to leave part of your old self behind. That’s the price you pay for transformation, and the price you pay for becoming the person you were born to be.

Love Allison💛

10 Signs of Walking Depression

 

Do you suffer from walking depression?  I read this article by Alison Gresik. While she talks about walking depression in writers and artists, I found it profoundly relevant to many everyday women I work with and coach.
On the surface, people might not know anything is wrong. You keep working and keep looking after your families.

But you’re doing it all while profoundly unhappy. Depression is negatively impacting your life and relationships and impairing your abilities.

Walking depression can be hard to recognize because it doesn’t fit the more common picture of severe depression. But it can be just as dangerous to your well-being when left unacknowledged.

1.Nothing is fun. You root around for something to look forward to and come up empty.

2. You can’t find flow. Working on your creative projects feels like a grind, but you keep plodding away. There is research that shows that neuroticism (the tendency toward negative moods) is associated with lower rates of flow.

3 Your energy is low. Maybe you’re not getting enough rest because you’re too anxious to sleep, or you’re trying to cram too many tasks into a day, or you’re punishing yourself by staying up. Whatever the reason, you are effin’ tired.

4. You feel worse in the morning and better at night. I remember explaining this to a friend, who found it mystifying. In the morning I felt the crushing weight of all the things I had to do that day. In the evening I was temporarily free from expectations and could enjoy a moment’s respite.

5. You have simmering resentment toward others. Sure, you’re still doing what everybody asks of you, but you stew in anger the whole time. You are jealous of and bitter toward people who look happier than you feel.

6. Your self-talk gets caustic. You say nasty things in an effort to shock yourself into action. You use shame as a motivator.

7. You feel distanced from people around you. It’s hard to have genuine, intimate conversations because you have to keep up this front that you are alright.

8. You deprive yourself of creative work time. This helps you exert some control and stirs up feelings of suffering that are perversely pleasurable. Also, taking on new projects that prevent you from writing or making art lets you prove to yourself that you’re still strong and capable.
9. You notice a significant mood change when you have caffeine or alcohol. A cup of coffee might make you feel a lot more revved-up and optimistic. A glass of wine might make you feel really mellow and even ~ gasp! ~ happy. (That’s how I finally realized that I was depressed.)

10. You feel like you’re wasting your life. Some people have a high sensitivity to the inherent meaning in what we do. If our daily activities don’t carry enough significance ~ if they don’t feel like a worthwhile use of our talents and passions ~ then soon we are asking ourselves,  “What’s the point? Why should I keep going?”

Why is it hard to admit that you have walking depression?

You may recognize many of these signs in your life but still be slow to admit that you are depressed. Why is that?

Because it feels presumptuous to put yourself in that category when you’re still getting by. You feel like it would be insulting to those who are much worse off than you. You may feel like you have no real reason to be depressed.

Because your pride and your identity take a hit. You have to admit vulnerability and allow that you are not the all-conquering superhero you thought you were.

Because you realize that you and your life need to change, which feels like more work piled on your plate.

Because you are admitting your own responsibility for your unhappiness and that can trigger self-judgment.

Because you might uncover grief or anger at those around you for not seeing and taking better care of you.

Prison Break Action Steps:

Rest.
Make use of medication and other physical treatments.
Do therapy.
Practice gratitude.
Make connections.
Reduce your responsibilities.
Spend time creating.
Change your thoughts.
Develop a meaning practice.
Change your life.
These steps are simple to say, not easy to do, so make sure you get as much support as you can.
As a young adult, I longed to make my mark on the world and be successful. But life got in the way, I started to sabotage my own happiness. I got sidetracked by all the demands of an ordinary life.

Soon I joined the ranks of the walking depressed. I was working and looking after my family, but I was also desperately sad.

I found the path out of depression by following my desires—to write, to travel, to support criminal justice issues and became a certified life coach. Eventually I left ordinary life behind.

Find and follow your path of desire! Walk out of walking depression and into an extraordinary life!

 

Love Allison 💛

How To Move Beyond Your Past To Create An Ex-traordinary Life

5 “Don’ts” of Practicing Gratitude

There are times when an attitude of gratitude may backfire 💛

Gratitude is good. Good for your health and well-being. Good for your relationships. In fact, I’ve written about the benefits of gratitude. But research suggests that gratitude is not always good. Focusing on what you have instead of what you have-not is generally a good idea, but there are times when feeling grateful may backfire. Here are five “don’ts” when it comes practicing the attitude of gratitude:

1. Don’t focus on feeling grateful for someone or something who isn’t worthy.

If you are in a bad relationship with someone who is emotionally or physically abusing you, or who just can’t make you happy, focusing on gratitude may be the wrong choice. This could be a romantic partner, a boss, or a roommate, or some other living situation more generally. By focusing on all the ways you appreciate your partner/boss/roommate you may choose to stay where you are when you should be focusing on finding a way to get out of an unhealthy situation.

2. Don’t overdose on gratitude.

When it comes to keeping track of your gratitude, the adage “more is better” doesn’t necessarily apply. If you set too high of a goal for your gratitude, you may find yourself falling short, which paradoxically could leave you feeling less grateful and happy than if you hadn’t tracked your gratitude at all. In a study of gratitude journaling, people who tracked their gratitude once per week were happier after six weeks, whereas those who wrote tracked their gratitude three times per week were not. If you find yourself hesitating when putting pen to paper, you may begin to think your life isn’t that good or you don’t have that much to be grateful for. If that is the case, take a step back and focus on quality over quantity.

3. Don’t use gratitude to avoid a serious problem.

Gratitude helps you focus on what is important instead of getting caught up in the little annoyances of everyday life; however, not all problems are little annoyances, and focusing your attention on things you appreciate may provide you with relief from serious problems, but the relief will only be temporary. In cases like these, a negative emotion like anger may actually be more constructive. In one study of romantic couples, expressing anger was more beneficial than being positive when discussing a severe problem because the anger helped them address and resolve the issue rather than sweeping it under the rug.

4. Don’t downplay your own successes through excessive gratitude.

After something good happens to you, you will only benefit from thinking about and thanking the people who helped make it possible. But of equal importance is acknowledging your own role in the process. If you are someone who focuses on thanking everyone else and downplays your own hard work and talent to a fault, you may be hiding low self-esteem behind your gratitude. Don’t let gratitude get in the way of appropriately taking credit for your own part in your success.

5. Don’t mistake gratitude for indebtedness.

Gratitude is the positive emotion you feel when someone else helps you out. Indebtedness, on the other hand, generally leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth – someone helped you and now you owe them. If you mistake feelings of gratitude for indebtedness, you may find yourself working hard to repay a favor not to express your appreciation but to take the weight of a debt off your shoulders. In close relationships, this need to repay tit-for-tat can actually lead to negative feelings between partners. Repaying someone who matters to you too quickly may be a sign that you don’t want a close relationship.

Happy Thanksgiving💛

Love Allison

 

What Is Your Idea Worth Spreading?

Twenty-nine speakers will convene, one week from today, at the World Café Live at The Queen to host a series of talks as a part of the 2015 Wilmington TEDx Conference, Pioneering & Innovating.

That’s super exciting right?  Well the most exciting part is,  I was selected to share the stage with some of the most phenomenal men and women and share my ‘idea worth spreading’!  When I received the email, to say I was stoked would be an understatement. I have literally dreamed about doing a TEDx Talk for years. I have even visualized and seen myself on stage presenting, but I must admit, coming up with my ‘idea worth spreading’, wasn’t as easy as I thought.

I had mulled over several ideas in my head, watched other TED Talks for inspiration, and jotted pages of notes. I had tons of things I could share, I mean I’m a transformational speaker. I share all the time, but I had to dig deep to realize what was my idea worth spreading?  Was it my story of redemption? Was it my idea for at risk youth? Was it my path to becoming a successful entrepreneur?  I reached out to two people for assistance. First, I called on Ajit Matthew George, TEDx Wilmington organizer. He assured me that my problem wasn’t coming up with the idea worth spreading, it was that I had so many things I could share, and wanted to share I just needed to choose one. Next I called Marla Blunt-Carter, Assistant Professor at the School of Social Work at Rutgers University.  Not only does she use TED Talks as a part of her curriculum, she knows what I want to share. She  helped me tie my ideas all together so that  it made sense; not just to me but to my soon to be global audience.

So what is my idea worth sharing? How to move beyond your past and create an extraordinary life.  There is this idea that when we are in a bad situation, we will do whatever it takes to escape it. I ask clients all the time, what are they willing to do to ‘escape’ their situation. “Whatever I can!” I found myself in bad situations practically my entire life and I used to believe the same thing.  The reality is, most want to, but are simply so programmed by past experiences, they eventually give up trying to escape.  Their inaction keeps them in an undesirable situation and they just choose to accept it. I want people to consider that the limitations of their past are self imposed and has them is a prison of their own making, thus living an ordinary life.  Once you acknowledge this programming, you can choose to take control of your destiny, refuse to give up and live a life of true freedom, the Extraordinary life. Do you wish you were further along in life? Are you living the life you’ve been ‘programmed’ to live?-The Ordinary; or are you living the live you were ‘created’ to live?; The Extraordinary! Come find out on Wednesday, October 28th. Its over 90% sold OUT!

To come hear my idea worth spreading and all of the other amazing ideas register at http://www.tedxwilmington.com

Please share!

How to Transform Your Life in 6 Minutes a Day

Oh, you’re busy? Weird, I thought it was just me.

No matter where you are in life at this moment, there is at least one thing that you and I have in common: We want to improve our lives and ourselves.

Here’s the catch: To create the life that you ultimately want, you must first dedicate time each day to becoming that person who is capable of creating and sustaining that level of success.

Minute 1: S is for silence.
Instead of hitting the snooze button, and then rushing through your day feeling stressed and overwhelmed, invest your first minute in sitting in purposeful silence. Sit quietly, calm and peaceful and breathe deeply. Maybe you meditate. Center yourself and create an optimum state of mind that will lead you effectively through the rest of your day.

Maybe you say a prayer of gratitude and appreciate the moment. As you sit in silence, you quiet your mind, relax your body and allow your stress to melt away. You develop a deeper sense of clarity, purpose, and direction.

Minute 2: A is for Affiormations.
Pull out and read your page of afformations — written statements that remind you of your unlimited potential, your most important goals and the actions you must take today to achieve them. Reading over reminders of how capable you really are motivates you. Looking over which actions you must take, re-energizes you to focus on doing what’s necessary today to take your life to the next level.

Minute 3. V is for visualization.
Close your eyes and visualize what it will look like and feel like when you reach your goals. Seeing your ideal vision increases your belief that it’s possible and your desire to make it a reality.

Minute 4. E is for exercise.
Stand up and move your body for 60 seconds, long enough to increase the flow of blood and oxygen to your brain. You could easily do a minute of jumping jacks, push-ups, or sit-ups. The point is that you raise your heart rate, generate energy and increase your ability to be alert and focused.

Minute 5. R is for reading.
Grab the self-help book you’re currently reading and read one page, maybe two. Learn a new idea, something you can incorporate into your day, which will improve your results at work or in your relationships. Discover something new that you can use to think better, feel better and live better.

Minute 6. S is for scribing.
Pull out your journal and take one minute to write down something you’re grateful for, something you’re proud of and the top one to three results that you’re committed to creating that day. In doing so, you create the clarity and motivation that you need to take action.

Start Today!

How would you feel if that’s how you used the first six minutes of each day? How would the quality of your day — and your life — improve? We can all agree that investing a minimum of six minutes into becoming the person that we need to be to create the lives we truly want is not only reasonable. It’s an absolute must.

Love Allison 💛

Are You Desperate? Prison Worker Accused Of Helping Inmates Escape Pleads Guilty

Prison Worker Accused Of Helping Inmates Escape Pleads Guilty: had closet sex with killer at least 100 times and plotted to kill her husband.

“I think that to a certain extent, Matt got her to feeling good about herself, better than she had for a period of time, and she was swept off her feet a bit;” her attorney said.

“I enjoyed the attention, the feeling both of them gave me and the thought of a different life,” Joyce said.

Now before you judge and talk about how ridiculous this sounds, be honest and think of some of the desperate times desperate measures you’ve had when it came to a man. I know I’ve had some “never say never” just plain desperate encounters.

Oprah Winfrey once shared that while she was in her 20s, she had such a low self esteem that her relationships were a wreck. One story that she told was about a boyfriend of hers who told her that he wanted to break up and she fell to her knees and cried and begged him not to leave. The television and movie star says that as her man walked out the door, she clung to his ankles in a desperate attempt to get him to stay.

Unfortunately, many women have at least one story in their past where they allowed themselves to do crazy things because they had convinced themselves they couldn’t live without a man.

What defines a desperate person? Desperate people make decisions that are not in their best interest out of fear.
Some common fears that single people grapple with include:

*Fear of being alone
*Fear of being forced to settle
*Fear of repeating the past
*Fear of never experiencing true love
*Fear of never being accepted (flaws and all)

How do you stop this cycle? To stop being desperate you have to end the pattern of inaccurate, negative beliefs about yourself. You need to begin to believe that you have something wonderful to offer and that the person you’re “meant” to be with is actually out there. In other words, you need to begin to re-train your brain.

Here are a few ways to start:

1. Take a break from dating and focus your attention exclusively on things you’re confident t and good at doing.

2. Look at your pattern for seeking help, and change it.

3. Give love back to other people, places and things.

4. Give yourself a makeover.

5. Give the judge and jury in your head a rest.

Try one of these ideas to get started, or try them all for a deeper impact.

Creating your extraordinary life includes having an extraordinary relationship. 💛

Love Allison

Are You Asking Yourself The Right Questions?

We all have heard the famous quote attributed to Albert Einstein that reads,

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different.”

You don’t arrive at the destination of your dreams because of one big choice. It happens as a result of the small choices you make all day long. Asking yourself powerful qestions give you the power to make the higher choice for yourself at every moment of your life. If that’s not what you’re after – if you want to indulge in ‘poor me,’ if you’re committed to being a victim and not going for all that you desire, then don’t use these questions. But if you are committed to being the responsible creator of your reality, to being the best ‘you’ that you can be, and to having your life make a difference, these questions will show you the way.

Here are some questions that will show you the way:

Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?

Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification?

Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?

Am I looking for what’s right or am I looking for what’s wrong?

Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?

Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?

Does this choice empower me or does it disempower me?

Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?

Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?

Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

Once I started asking myself these powerful questions when making choices, my life changed. Start asking yourself these questions today!

Love Allison

Four Ways To Get What You Really Really Really Want!

Each day, aren’t we all striving to manifest the four “reallies”?
“I really wish…”
“I really desire…”
“I really intend…”
“I really am passionate about…”
Within all of us is a divine capacity to manifest and attract all that we need and desire. Knowing that our thoughts create our reality, we begin with the following thought: I have a divine ability to manifest and attract what I need or desire!
Funny thing is we all have the ability to manifest and attract. We are actually ALL attracting and manifesting all the time. Unfortunately most of what we attract and manifest is not what we really want. But Why?

Attracting what we really really really really want begins with an awareness of our Authentic Self. Our self that we were created to be. The way we were born with every possible possibility.  We are both a physical body in a material world and a non-physical being who can gain access to a higher level. When we become aware of our Authentic Self as a dimension that transcends the limitations of the physical world, our creative ability (to manifest) will manifest the extraordinary.  It begins in the unseen world of waves and energy. Just like the planets, the stars, the flowers, the animals, the rocks, ourselves, our possessions, our creations. There are two worlds, the seen and the unseen, where we co-exist at all times. We are of both these worlds simultaneously. No one has to teach a flower how to grow.  It just does. Animals don’t go to school to learn survival.  I don’t thing we see poor birds with no place to live. They live according to creation.

The problem that faces most of us in becoming manifesters and learning to manage the circumstances of our lives is that we have forfeited our ability. We are programmed to believe that we are only of the seen world and of our physical conditions and circumstances.  Here’s where that most important thought comes in: Within you is a divine ability to manifest and attract all that you need or desire. It is the way you were created. It is you, and you must overcome your programming and give yourself permission to create what your truly desire.

You do have an Authentic Self. How can you begin to create a life you love from this authentic place? Here are four steps to follow to escape the programming and live life according to how God created you.

1. Be immersed in and surrounded by peace. Your Authentic Self only wants you to be at peace. It does not judge, compare, or demand that you be defeat anyone, or be better than anyone.
2. Go beyond the restriction of the physical plane. The purpose of your Authentic Self is to assist you in this. Create an inner sanctuary that is yours alone. Go to this silent inner retreat as often as you can, and let go of all attachments to the external world of the ego.
3. Refuse to defend yourself to anyone or anything on the earth plane. Stay within your higher energy pattern. Use your inner light for alignment and allow those who disagree to have their own points of view.
4. Surrender and trust in the wisdom that created you. This trust is your corner of freedom and it will always be yours.

Your Authentic Self is not just an idea that sounds lofty and spiritual. It is a way of being. It is the very first principle that you must come to understand and embrace as you move toward attracting to you that which you really really really really want and create a life you love!

Love,

Allison