10 Ways to Let Go and Open Up to Love Again

Imagine if we only had one chance in life to be happy or successful.

In our careers.

In our choice of friends.

Or in love.

What a very sad world it would be if we were all doomed to work in jobs we hated or to hang around people we no longer connect with. Worse yet, what if we lost our chance at love?

Why put yourself through so much pain and suffering for a love that hurts and could end?

Tiny Buddha nailed it.

The reason to give love another shot, I’ve learned, is that by loving better and deeper, we become even more whole. Our hurt and tears clear the fog around our heart and illuminate the soul.

The journey to love is a journey to one’s self, your highest, most sacred and loving self.

There are plenty of obstacles keeping us from loving again. Sad to say, I’ve experienced them all.

Here are ten way to let go of the obstacles preventing you from having love in your life.

1. Let go of pain.

You can’t let go of pain  by resisting it. You could avoid the pain for some time, but in order to move on you must fully embrace the pain.

Embracing the pain means experiencing loss, sadness, and grief. As difficult as it might be, allow the tears to flow and share your experience with your friends and family.

Write down your feelings and come to terms with the emotions you’re going through.

Instead of judging yourself harshly for your feelings, wash yourself in compassion for finding the strength to move through your pain.

2. Let go of trespasses.

When you break up, you feel like you want to blame everyone for causing your heartache. This includes not just your ex, but also their parents, your parents, their friends, your friends, and everyone in between.

The only way to stop blaming others  is to forgive them. No matter how grave the offense or how unacceptable their behavior, your healing starts when you let go of the gripe. Yes, it was unfair; yes, it was unjust; and yes, they did you wrong. But there’s nothing to be done now but forgive.

Forgive people, because they, like us, have many imperfections. They know not what they do. They don’t live up to our expectations and have had difficult pasts that we may not understand fully.

3. Let go of bitterness.

The way to let go of bitterness toward others is to think of the many positive qualities and experiences you’ve had with them.

Your ex is not an evil person; they just weren’t the best person for you.

Instead of being stuck on their flaws and wrongdoings, allow the power of forgiveness to overlook what they’ve ‘done’ to you. Look at what good they’ve done, how much they’ve helped you be a better person, and the happy times you had together.

Remind yourself of their redeeming qualities. See their light.

4. Let go of resentments.

We let go of self pity and resentments by being more grateful.

Not only be thankful to your ex and the relationship you shared, but start living a life filled with gratefulness.

Notice the small things and the big things that are constantly occurring around you.

Appreciate the kind gesture, the words of encouragement, and the favorable circumstances that unfold in your life.

Making a small gratitude list as you start or end the day can help you move from focusing on resentments to focusing on thankfulness.

5. Let go comparing yourself to others.

What I’ve learned is that no relationship is perfect and most relationships look good from the outside. Comparing your relationship to others isn’t very constructive.

Once again, transform bitterness toward others to gratefulness that others have found love in their lives. If others have found love, let that be a message of hope and possibility for you.

We are each on our own journeys to better understanding ourselves and loving better. Our journey is independent of anyone else’s.

Your day will come. Your broken love and loss are the seeds of true love.

6. Let go of expectations.

We’ve grown up to expect a lot of things to turn out a certain way. But like the weather and weather reports, you can’t count on sunny and bright all the time.

If we can’t expect good weather, we sure can’t expect a perfect love or a partner to behave a certain way.

The way to be happy in and out of relationships is to let go of expectations and conditions.

Your Mr. or Mrs. Right isn’t a certain height, a certain profession, or a specific personality.

Be open to the magic of possibilities.

7. Let go of resistance.

Although love can be painful and heart-breaking, be willing to open your heart anyway.

Be open to meeting new people, be open to being vulnerable, and be open to falling in love again.

Love can only bloom if you’re open to love in your life. Set the intention for love to enter again.

8. Let go of being tough.

I know the feeling well. “The stronger and I am the more closed I am to others, the less likely someone else will hurt me again.”

If you close your heart and feelings to others, you may avoid pain but you’ll also miss out on happiness and joy.

Seek to be your most honest self. Instead of hiding behind a cloak of someone you’re not, be yourself in the world, which will only make you more attractive.

By being true to yourself, you’ll also attract people who are better suited for you.

Being vulnerable means being honest about your shortcomings and sharing your feelings. It’s choosing honesty over trying to look good.

9. Let go of telling the same story over and over.

You want to tell the same sad story repeatedly to friends—a love gone wrong, a love soured, a love that fell apart.

What if that story simply wasn’t true?

There are many perspectives and stories in every relationship. Are you holding onto a story of resentment and bitterness?

Are you willing to see a different story? A different perspective?

Could the lost love have helped you grow? Heal some part of yourself? Learn about an open wound?

Is the story you’re telling yourself blocking love from entering your life again?

10. Let go of fear.

The way to let go of fear is to recognize and embrace it.

How is fear holding you back? Is it keeping you stuck from living the life you want or the love you desire?

Call fear out for what it is. What is the worst that can happen if this fear came true? How likely is it that this fear will come true? Have you overcome fears like this in your past?

When you confront fear and acknowledge it for what it is, you can have an honest conversation with fear.

Ultimately, a partner is a mirror and guide to help you complete the journey to your truest self. Even if you break up with them, they can be a conduit to healing and being made whole.

Let go of your blocks keeping you from experiencing joy. Let go and choose love again.

An unknown author wrote, When two who have suffered find each other, the bond is like steel. They become each others’ soul mates and comfort from the storm of life. At the same time, they stir the deepest, darkest desires in each other.

Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we’re gone.~Cecelia Ahern, P.S. I Love You

Because I let go and chose love again, I found my “Perfect For Me” husband to be. My forever. My left arm. My soulmate. My Mr James Garrett. PS….I Love You❤️

 

What Is Your Idea Worth Spreading?

Twenty-nine speakers will convene, one week from today, at the World Café Live at The Queen to host a series of talks as a part of the 2015 Wilmington TEDx Conference, Pioneering & Innovating.

That’s super exciting right?  Well the most exciting part is,  I was selected to share the stage with some of the most phenomenal men and women and share my ‘idea worth spreading’!  When I received the email, to say I was stoked would be an understatement. I have literally dreamed about doing a TEDx Talk for years. I have even visualized and seen myself on stage presenting, but I must admit, coming up with my ‘idea worth spreading’, wasn’t as easy as I thought.

I had mulled over several ideas in my head, watched other TED Talks for inspiration, and jotted pages of notes. I had tons of things I could share, I mean I’m a transformational speaker. I share all the time, but I had to dig deep to realize what was my idea worth spreading?  Was it my story of redemption? Was it my idea for at risk youth? Was it my path to becoming a successful entrepreneur?  I reached out to two people for assistance. First, I called on Ajit Matthew George, TEDx Wilmington organizer. He assured me that my problem wasn’t coming up with the idea worth spreading, it was that I had so many things I could share, and wanted to share I just needed to choose one. Next I called Marla Blunt-Carter, Assistant Professor at the School of Social Work at Rutgers University.  Not only does she use TED Talks as a part of her curriculum, she knows what I want to share. She  helped me tie my ideas all together so that  it made sense; not just to me but to my soon to be global audience.

So what is my idea worth sharing? How to move beyond your past and create an extraordinary life.  There is this idea that when we are in a bad situation, we will do whatever it takes to escape it. I ask clients all the time, what are they willing to do to ‘escape’ their situation. “Whatever I can!” I found myself in bad situations practically my entire life and I used to believe the same thing.  The reality is, most want to, but are simply so programmed by past experiences, they eventually give up trying to escape.  Their inaction keeps them in an undesirable situation and they just choose to accept it. I want people to consider that the limitations of their past are self imposed and has them is a prison of their own making, thus living an ordinary life.  Once you acknowledge this programming, you can choose to take control of your destiny, refuse to give up and live a life of true freedom, the Extraordinary life. Do you wish you were further along in life? Are you living the life you’ve been ‘programmed’ to live?-The Ordinary; or are you living the live you were ‘created’ to live?; The Extraordinary! Come find out on Wednesday, October 28th. Its over 90% sold OUT!

To come hear my idea worth spreading and all of the other amazing ideas register at http://www.tedxwilmington.com

Please share!

Are You Asking Yourself The Right Questions?

We all have heard the famous quote attributed to Albert Einstein that reads,

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different.”

You don’t arrive at the destination of your dreams because of one big choice. It happens as a result of the small choices you make all day long. Asking yourself powerful qestions give you the power to make the higher choice for yourself at every moment of your life. If that’s not what you’re after – if you want to indulge in ‘poor me,’ if you’re committed to being a victim and not going for all that you desire, then don’t use these questions. But if you are committed to being the responsible creator of your reality, to being the best ‘you’ that you can be, and to having your life make a difference, these questions will show you the way.

Here are some questions that will show you the way:

Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?

Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification?

Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?

Am I looking for what’s right or am I looking for what’s wrong?

Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?

Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?

Does this choice empower me or does it disempower me?

Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?

Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?

Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

Once I started asking myself these powerful questions when making choices, my life changed. Start asking yourself these questions today!

Love Allison

Four Ways To Get What You Really Really Really Want!

Each day, aren’t we all striving to manifest the four “reallies”?
“I really wish…”
“I really desire…”
“I really intend…”
“I really am passionate about…”
Within all of us is a divine capacity to manifest and attract all that we need and desire. Knowing that our thoughts create our reality, we begin with the following thought: I have a divine ability to manifest and attract what I need or desire!
Funny thing is we all have the ability to manifest and attract. We are actually ALL attracting and manifesting all the time. Unfortunately most of what we attract and manifest is not what we really want. But Why?

Attracting what we really really really really want begins with an awareness of our Authentic Self. Our self that we were created to be. The way we were born with every possible possibility.  We are both a physical body in a material world and a non-physical being who can gain access to a higher level. When we become aware of our Authentic Self as a dimension that transcends the limitations of the physical world, our creative ability (to manifest) will manifest the extraordinary.  It begins in the unseen world of waves and energy. Just like the planets, the stars, the flowers, the animals, the rocks, ourselves, our possessions, our creations. There are two worlds, the seen and the unseen, where we co-exist at all times. We are of both these worlds simultaneously. No one has to teach a flower how to grow.  It just does. Animals don’t go to school to learn survival.  I don’t thing we see poor birds with no place to live. They live according to creation.

The problem that faces most of us in becoming manifesters and learning to manage the circumstances of our lives is that we have forfeited our ability. We are programmed to believe that we are only of the seen world and of our physical conditions and circumstances.  Here’s where that most important thought comes in: Within you is a divine ability to manifest and attract all that you need or desire. It is the way you were created. It is you, and you must overcome your programming and give yourself permission to create what your truly desire.

You do have an Authentic Self. How can you begin to create a life you love from this authentic place? Here are four steps to follow to escape the programming and live life according to how God created you.

1. Be immersed in and surrounded by peace. Your Authentic Self only wants you to be at peace. It does not judge, compare, or demand that you be defeat anyone, or be better than anyone.
2. Go beyond the restriction of the physical plane. The purpose of your Authentic Self is to assist you in this. Create an inner sanctuary that is yours alone. Go to this silent inner retreat as often as you can, and let go of all attachments to the external world of the ego.
3. Refuse to defend yourself to anyone or anything on the earth plane. Stay within your higher energy pattern. Use your inner light for alignment and allow those who disagree to have their own points of view.
4. Surrender and trust in the wisdom that created you. This trust is your corner of freedom and it will always be yours.

Your Authentic Self is not just an idea that sounds lofty and spiritual. It is a way of being. It is the very first principle that you must come to understand and embrace as you move toward attracting to you that which you really really really really want and create a life you love!

Love,

Allison

An Extraordinary Future: The Choice is Yours

How many times have you told yourself that you would commit to something and then a day or two later, do the exact opposite? When was the last time that you let someone down or did something that you felt shame about?

If you are tired of breaking promises to yourself and then beating yourself up and feeling bad about yourself later, it is time to learn about what is controlling your choices and creating your life.

Right now, your self imposed prison — your shame, your fear, your magical thinking, your insecurity — lurk in your unconscious and tell you what you can and cannot do, what you should eat, when you should or shouldn’t exercise, how much money you can make or save, or how fulfilling or unfulfilling your relationships can be. Right now, your prison tells you how much success you will experience, how much joy, happiness and fun you will have or how much silent suffering you will endure, even if you have a great big smile on your face. But you DON’T have to allow your prison to be in control of your life. You DON’T have to tolerate this anymore. Today is the day to say “No more!”

And that is what it all comes down to…choices!

You are an adult who is making thousands of choices each day about your life. You don’t have to allow your prisoner thoughts to be in control of your life. Instead, you can choose to shine the light on your darkness and get into the presence of your goals, dreams, and desires. You can choose to envision a new future and ensure that the choices you are making are moving you in the direction of your dreams.

We must learn that our present is a result of the choices we made yesterday, and our future will be determined by the choices we make today. Do you want to live an extraordinary future? The choice is yours and it starts today!

Transformational Action Steps

1) Make a list of two goals that you are committed to reaching.

2) Ask yourself, “Are the choices I made this week moving me in the direction of these goals?”

3) If not, identify the part of you that has been driving your decisions. Who is driving? Who is making the choices? Is it your wounded self? Is it the part of you that worries what your partner will think? Is it the part of you that wants to ensure your peers like you and approve of you? How long have they been in the driver’s seat? And how much longer will you give them the wheel?

4) Set a strong boundary with this part of you by letting them know that you are now taking control, that you are going to protect yourself and that they can no longer drive. In other words, revoke their driver’s license. How? Write it down. Create a positive statement and put it up where you can see it daily. Create your future now.

5) When we are driving, we have the ability to push on the gas pedal. Take one action this week that proves you are in the driver’s seat.

6) Sign up for Prison Break Group Coaching Experience Accomplish Something Extraordinary, a life-altering course you can do from the comfort of your own home starting Tuesday, March 10th. In Accomplish Something Extraordinary, you will be coached in a group setting to awaken to the power of the choices you are making in each and every area of your life. You will be guided to discover where your self imposed prison is in control. By shedding light on what lies at the root of your choices, you will be able to make new choices — choices that empower you, inspire you, and propel you into an extraordinary future.

I can tell you that the transformation I’ve experienced is ultimately because of the choices I’ve made. This same transformation can be yours. I promise you that when you join us on this journey of Accomplish Something Extraordinary, you will be able to powerfully use your voice and begin to feel worthy of everything the universe is waiting to deliver to you.

The time is now.

The choice is yours.

With love,
Allison

Your Prison Break Coach

Pass It On: Please Share this life-changing message with friends, family and loved ones!

The #1 Mistake When Getting Over A Breakup~The Answer May Surprise You!

 

Dealing with a breakup always sucks. In my coaching session’s there are always a great number of women who find themselves unable to get past a breakup, someone leaving them or having difficulty getting over a separation or divorce. While everyone deals with post breakup differently, I found that the core common issue and biggest mistake most women made was the same. The seeked closure.

I know your thinking ‘isn’t that what I am supposed to do?’ It’s what many of us have been taught, me included, however I found a different approach to ‘seeking closure’. In any life situation it very rarely serves in helping you get through it.

Reaching out to an ex to try to get validation and closure spells potential rejection. You have no idea how they’ll react to seeing or hearing from you. If your ex wants nothing to do with you or has already moved on, you might end up feeling worse than you already do. Some of my clients have gotten constructive feedback from an ex, however, they often still don’t feel satisfied. The ego may say in that situation that you will never be at peace until he comes back. But think about it this way.

Peace is not determined by any circumstances outside of us. Peace stems from forgiveness. Pain does not come from the love that we are denied by others, but rather from the love that WE deny THEM. We are not really hurt by what someone else did, we end up closing our heart because of their closed heart and its our own denial of love that hurts.

A shift in your thinking would allow you to keep an open heart regardless of whats going on around you. Growth is about focusing on our own lessons.

When I was going through my own divorce, there was a period where I wanted answers, demanded to know why, expected an apology and an explanation as to how and why he could say he didn’t want to be married anymore. I wanted closure! (and wanted to punch him in the face but thats another post) But as I seeked answers from within I realized it didn’t really matter. The WHY didn’t really matter. Even the most educated, sincere and heartfelt answer would never be ‘good enough’.

As long as I was obsessed with his guilt I could not be at peace and move forward with my own life. As a life coach, I understood that when people behave unlovingly it’s merely because they have forgotten who they are. This Prison Break Coach had to not only understand that his behavior was because he has forgotten who he was, I had to be reminded of who I was. It’s often said divorce is like a death, and just like there is likely no “closure” to losing a loved one, seeking closure in an ended relationship is similar.

Cut ties and give yourself—and your mind—time to heal. The more you’re talking to or seeing him, the more your brain is engaging with your ex. Delete him from your phone, Facebook, Instagram, etc. Ask your friends to refrain from sharing any information about your ex if they are engaging with him in social networks as well. I had to ask my friends, (I kinda threatened them), to stop telling me about the pictures he was posting. It only made me think of how I still wanted closure. Do whatever you need to do to get your focus on YOU and YOUR lesson.

I also started an exercise and it served as my daily reminder to deal with my own change in thinking. My phone would ring everyday as if I had an appointment.

I forgive you (name) and I release you to the Holy Spirit.

This helped me to not focus on my ex’s behavior but to focus on my own feelings instead. It wasn’t overnight but overtime healing was evident.

Know that you cant change him, you cant change other people, or what has happened in the past, however, you can choose to see things differently. Relationships are assignments and opportunities for learning. Instead of praying for someone wonderful, pray that you are enlightened on how wonderful you are. Take responsibility for your own pain. When a relationship does not work out, for whatever reason, its natural to be disappointed. The idea of getting closure is just that….. and idea. Instead know who you are, do what you love, and maintain an open heart, increasing the opportunity to begin again. Healing begins in the present, not in the past.

Please share with others. We all know someone still experiencing the need for closure in a relationship in the past. Whether the breakup was 15 days ago or 15 years ago, the choice to heal can begin today.