We’re All Doing The Best We Can

When we take a step back and remember that most of the time people aren’t “out to get us,” purposefully doing things to upset or annoy us, or consciously trying to make mistakes, disappoint us, or create difficulty (they’re simply doing the best they can and what they think makes the most sense) – we can save ourselves from unnecessary overreactions and stress. And, when we’re able to have this same awareness and compassion in how we relate to ourselves, we can dramatically alter our lives and relationships in a positive way.
Give people the benefit of the doubt. Most of the time people have good intentions. Many of us, myself included, have been trained to be cautious and suspicious of others, even seeing this as an important and effective skill in life and business. However, we almost always get what we expect from people, so the more often we give people the benefit of the doubt, the more often they will prove us “right,” and the less often we will waste our precious time and energy on cynicism, suspicion, and judgment.
Don’t take things personally. One of my favorite sayings is, “You wouldn’t worry about what other people think about you so much, if you realized how little they actually did.” The truth is that most people are focused on themselves much more than on us. Too often in life we take things personally that have nothing to do with us. This doesn’t mean we let people walk all over us or treat us in disrespectful or hurtful ways (it can be important for us to speak up and push back at times in life). However, when we stop taking things so personally, we liberate ourselves from needless upset, defensiveness, and conflict.
Look for the good. Another way to say what I mentioned above about getting what we expect from other people, is that we almost always find what we look for. If you want to find some things about me that you don’t like, consider obnoxious, or get on your nerves – just look for them, I’m sure you’ll come up with some. On the flip side, if you want to find some of my best qualities and things you appreciate about me, just look for those – they are there too. As Werner Erhard said, “In every human being there is both garbage and gold, it’s up to us to choose what we pay attention to.” Looking for the good in others (as well as in life and in ourselves), is one of the best ways to find things to appreciate and be grateful for.
Seek first to understand. Often when we’re frustrated, annoyed, or in conflict with another person (or group of people), we don’t feel seen, heard, or understood. As challenging and painful as this can be, one of the best things we can do is to shift our attention from trying to get other people to understand us (or being irritated that it seems like they don’t), is to seek to understand the other person (or people) involved in an authentic way. This can be difficult, especially when the situation or conflict is very personal and emotional to us. However, seeking to understand is one of the best ways for us to liberate ourselves from the grip of criticism and judgment, and often helps shift the dynamic of the entire thing. Being curious, understanding, and even empathetic of another person and their perspective or feelings doesn’t mean we agree with them, it simply allows us to get into their world and see where they’re coming from – which is essential to letting go of judgment, connecting with them, and ultimately resolving the conflict.
Be gentle with others (and especially with yourself). Being gentle is the opposite of being critical. When we’re gentle, we’re compassionate, kind, and loving. We may not like, agree with, or totally understand what someone has done (or why), but we can be gentle in how we respond and engage with them. Being gentle isn’t about condoning or appeasing anyone or anything, it’s about having a true sense of empathy and perspective. And, the most important place for us to bring a sense of gentleness is to ourselves. Many of us have a tendency to be hyper self-critical. Sadly, some of the harshest criticism we dole out in life is aimed right at us. Another great saying I love is, “We don’t see people as they are, we see them as we are.” As we alter how we relate to ourselves, our relationship to everyone else and to the world around us is altered in a fundamental way.

Love Allison💛

 

10 Ways to Let Go and Open Up to Love Again

Imagine if we only had one chance in life to be happy or successful.

In our careers.

In our choice of friends.

Or in love.

What a very sad world it would be if we were all doomed to work in jobs we hated or to hang around people we no longer connect with. Worse yet, what if we lost our chance at love?

Why put yourself through so much pain and suffering for a love that hurts and could end?

Tiny Buddha nailed it.

The reason to give love another shot, I’ve learned, is that by loving better and deeper, we become even more whole. Our hurt and tears clear the fog around our heart and illuminate the soul.

The journey to love is a journey to one’s self, your highest, most sacred and loving self.

There are plenty of obstacles keeping us from loving again. Sad to say, I’ve experienced them all.

Here are ten way to let go of the obstacles preventing you from having love in your life.

1. Let go of pain.

You can’t let go of pain  by resisting it. You could avoid the pain for some time, but in order to move on you must fully embrace the pain.

Embracing the pain means experiencing loss, sadness, and grief. As difficult as it might be, allow the tears to flow and share your experience with your friends and family.

Write down your feelings and come to terms with the emotions you’re going through.

Instead of judging yourself harshly for your feelings, wash yourself in compassion for finding the strength to move through your pain.

2. Let go of trespasses.

When you break up, you feel like you want to blame everyone for causing your heartache. This includes not just your ex, but also their parents, your parents, their friends, your friends, and everyone in between.

The only way to stop blaming others  is to forgive them. No matter how grave the offense or how unacceptable their behavior, your healing starts when you let go of the gripe. Yes, it was unfair; yes, it was unjust; and yes, they did you wrong. But there’s nothing to be done now but forgive.

Forgive people, because they, like us, have many imperfections. They know not what they do. They don’t live up to our expectations and have had difficult pasts that we may not understand fully.

3. Let go of bitterness.

The way to let go of bitterness toward others is to think of the many positive qualities and experiences you’ve had with them.

Your ex is not an evil person; they just weren’t the best person for you.

Instead of being stuck on their flaws and wrongdoings, allow the power of forgiveness to overlook what they’ve ‘done’ to you. Look at what good they’ve done, how much they’ve helped you be a better person, and the happy times you had together.

Remind yourself of their redeeming qualities. See their light.

4. Let go of resentments.

We let go of self pity and resentments by being more grateful.

Not only be thankful to your ex and the relationship you shared, but start living a life filled with gratefulness.

Notice the small things and the big things that are constantly occurring around you.

Appreciate the kind gesture, the words of encouragement, and the favorable circumstances that unfold in your life.

Making a small gratitude list as you start or end the day can help you move from focusing on resentments to focusing on thankfulness.

5. Let go comparing yourself to others.

What I’ve learned is that no relationship is perfect and most relationships look good from the outside. Comparing your relationship to others isn’t very constructive.

Once again, transform bitterness toward others to gratefulness that others have found love in their lives. If others have found love, let that be a message of hope and possibility for you.

We are each on our own journeys to better understanding ourselves and loving better. Our journey is independent of anyone else’s.

Your day will come. Your broken love and loss are the seeds of true love.

6. Let go of expectations.

We’ve grown up to expect a lot of things to turn out a certain way. But like the weather and weather reports, you can’t count on sunny and bright all the time.

If we can’t expect good weather, we sure can’t expect a perfect love or a partner to behave a certain way.

The way to be happy in and out of relationships is to let go of expectations and conditions.

Your Mr. or Mrs. Right isn’t a certain height, a certain profession, or a specific personality.

Be open to the magic of possibilities.

7. Let go of resistance.

Although love can be painful and heart-breaking, be willing to open your heart anyway.

Be open to meeting new people, be open to being vulnerable, and be open to falling in love again.

Love can only bloom if you’re open to love in your life. Set the intention for love to enter again.

8. Let go of being tough.

I know the feeling well. “The stronger and I am the more closed I am to others, the less likely someone else will hurt me again.”

If you close your heart and feelings to others, you may avoid pain but you’ll also miss out on happiness and joy.

Seek to be your most honest self. Instead of hiding behind a cloak of someone you’re not, be yourself in the world, which will only make you more attractive.

By being true to yourself, you’ll also attract people who are better suited for you.

Being vulnerable means being honest about your shortcomings and sharing your feelings. It’s choosing honesty over trying to look good.

9. Let go of telling the same story over and over.

You want to tell the same sad story repeatedly to friends—a love gone wrong, a love soured, a love that fell apart.

What if that story simply wasn’t true?

There are many perspectives and stories in every relationship. Are you holding onto a story of resentment and bitterness?

Are you willing to see a different story? A different perspective?

Could the lost love have helped you grow? Heal some part of yourself? Learn about an open wound?

Is the story you’re telling yourself blocking love from entering your life again?

10. Let go of fear.

The way to let go of fear is to recognize and embrace it.

How is fear holding you back? Is it keeping you stuck from living the life you want or the love you desire?

Call fear out for what it is. What is the worst that can happen if this fear came true? How likely is it that this fear will come true? Have you overcome fears like this in your past?

When you confront fear and acknowledge it for what it is, you can have an honest conversation with fear.

Ultimately, a partner is a mirror and guide to help you complete the journey to your truest self. Even if you break up with them, they can be a conduit to healing and being made whole.

Let go of your blocks keeping you from experiencing joy. Let go and choose love again.

An unknown author wrote, When two who have suffered find each other, the bond is like steel. They become each others’ soul mates and comfort from the storm of life. At the same time, they stir the deepest, darkest desires in each other.

Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we’re gone.~Cecelia Ahern, P.S. I Love You

Because I let go and chose love again, I found my “Perfect For Me” husband to be. My forever. My left arm. My soulmate. My Mr James Garrett. PS….I Love You❤️

 

What Is Your Idea Worth Spreading?

Twenty-nine speakers will convene, one week from today, at the World Café Live at The Queen to host a series of talks as a part of the 2015 Wilmington TEDx Conference, Pioneering & Innovating.

That’s super exciting right?  Well the most exciting part is,  I was selected to share the stage with some of the most phenomenal men and women and share my ‘idea worth spreading’!  When I received the email, to say I was stoked would be an understatement. I have literally dreamed about doing a TEDx Talk for years. I have even visualized and seen myself on stage presenting, but I must admit, coming up with my ‘idea worth spreading’, wasn’t as easy as I thought.

I had mulled over several ideas in my head, watched other TED Talks for inspiration, and jotted pages of notes. I had tons of things I could share, I mean I’m a transformational speaker. I share all the time, but I had to dig deep to realize what was my idea worth spreading?  Was it my story of redemption? Was it my idea for at risk youth? Was it my path to becoming a successful entrepreneur?  I reached out to two people for assistance. First, I called on Ajit Matthew George, TEDx Wilmington organizer. He assured me that my problem wasn’t coming up with the idea worth spreading, it was that I had so many things I could share, and wanted to share I just needed to choose one. Next I called Marla Blunt-Carter, Assistant Professor at the School of Social Work at Rutgers University.  Not only does she use TED Talks as a part of her curriculum, she knows what I want to share. She  helped me tie my ideas all together so that  it made sense; not just to me but to my soon to be global audience.

So what is my idea worth sharing? How to move beyond your past and create an extraordinary life.  There is this idea that when we are in a bad situation, we will do whatever it takes to escape it. I ask clients all the time, what are they willing to do to ‘escape’ their situation. “Whatever I can!” I found myself in bad situations practically my entire life and I used to believe the same thing.  The reality is, most want to, but are simply so programmed by past experiences, they eventually give up trying to escape.  Their inaction keeps them in an undesirable situation and they just choose to accept it. I want people to consider that the limitations of their past are self imposed and has them is a prison of their own making, thus living an ordinary life.  Once you acknowledge this programming, you can choose to take control of your destiny, refuse to give up and live a life of true freedom, the Extraordinary life. Do you wish you were further along in life? Are you living the life you’ve been ‘programmed’ to live?-The Ordinary; or are you living the live you were ‘created’ to live?; The Extraordinary! Come find out on Wednesday, October 28th. Its over 90% sold OUT!

To come hear my idea worth spreading and all of the other amazing ideas register at http://www.tedxwilmington.com

Please share!

Are You Asking Yourself The Right Questions?

We all have heard the famous quote attributed to Albert Einstein that reads,

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different.”

You don’t arrive at the destination of your dreams because of one big choice. It happens as a result of the small choices you make all day long. Asking yourself powerful qestions give you the power to make the higher choice for yourself at every moment of your life. If that’s not what you’re after – if you want to indulge in ‘poor me,’ if you’re committed to being a victim and not going for all that you desire, then don’t use these questions. But if you are committed to being the responsible creator of your reality, to being the best ‘you’ that you can be, and to having your life make a difference, these questions will show you the way.

Here are some questions that will show you the way:

Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?

Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification?

Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?

Am I looking for what’s right or am I looking for what’s wrong?

Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?

Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?

Does this choice empower me or does it disempower me?

Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?

Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?

Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

Once I started asking myself these powerful questions when making choices, my life changed. Start asking yourself these questions today!

Love Allison

An Extraordinary Future: The Choice is Yours

How many times have you told yourself that you would commit to something and then a day or two later, do the exact opposite? When was the last time that you let someone down or did something that you felt shame about?

If you are tired of breaking promises to yourself and then beating yourself up and feeling bad about yourself later, it is time to learn about what is controlling your choices and creating your life.

Right now, your self imposed prison — your shame, your fear, your magical thinking, your insecurity — lurk in your unconscious and tell you what you can and cannot do, what you should eat, when you should or shouldn’t exercise, how much money you can make or save, or how fulfilling or unfulfilling your relationships can be. Right now, your prison tells you how much success you will experience, how much joy, happiness and fun you will have or how much silent suffering you will endure, even if you have a great big smile on your face. But you DON’T have to allow your prison to be in control of your life. You DON’T have to tolerate this anymore. Today is the day to say “No more!”

And that is what it all comes down to…choices!

You are an adult who is making thousands of choices each day about your life. You don’t have to allow your prisoner thoughts to be in control of your life. Instead, you can choose to shine the light on your darkness and get into the presence of your goals, dreams, and desires. You can choose to envision a new future and ensure that the choices you are making are moving you in the direction of your dreams.

We must learn that our present is a result of the choices we made yesterday, and our future will be determined by the choices we make today. Do you want to live an extraordinary future? The choice is yours and it starts today!

Transformational Action Steps

1) Make a list of two goals that you are committed to reaching.

2) Ask yourself, “Are the choices I made this week moving me in the direction of these goals?”

3) If not, identify the part of you that has been driving your decisions. Who is driving? Who is making the choices? Is it your wounded self? Is it the part of you that worries what your partner will think? Is it the part of you that wants to ensure your peers like you and approve of you? How long have they been in the driver’s seat? And how much longer will you give them the wheel?

4) Set a strong boundary with this part of you by letting them know that you are now taking control, that you are going to protect yourself and that they can no longer drive. In other words, revoke their driver’s license. How? Write it down. Create a positive statement and put it up where you can see it daily. Create your future now.

5) When we are driving, we have the ability to push on the gas pedal. Take one action this week that proves you are in the driver’s seat.

6) Sign up for Prison Break Group Coaching Experience Accomplish Something Extraordinary, a life-altering course you can do from the comfort of your own home starting Tuesday, March 10th. In Accomplish Something Extraordinary, you will be coached in a group setting to awaken to the power of the choices you are making in each and every area of your life. You will be guided to discover where your self imposed prison is in control. By shedding light on what lies at the root of your choices, you will be able to make new choices — choices that empower you, inspire you, and propel you into an extraordinary future.

I can tell you that the transformation I’ve experienced is ultimately because of the choices I’ve made. This same transformation can be yours. I promise you that when you join us on this journey of Accomplish Something Extraordinary, you will be able to powerfully use your voice and begin to feel worthy of everything the universe is waiting to deliver to you.

The time is now.

The choice is yours.

With love,
Allison

Your Prison Break Coach

Pass It On: Please Share this life-changing message with friends, family and loved ones!

What You Didn’t Know About The Bad Times

Did you know a lotus flower begins growing at the bottom of a muddy, murky pool, and slowly emerges toward the surface, bursting out of the water into a beautiful blossom? During the night the lotus closes and sinks under the water, and emerges again with the sunlight of a new day.

The lotus seeds contain perfectly formed leaves as miniatures of what they will become when it blooms. Its stem is flexible but does not break. As the lotus flower emerges from the mud, and up toward the surface it is completely unstained.

To me, the lotus in the mud symbolizes the hardships and difficulties of life, or a challenging time we have faced or are facing. As with the stem growing toward the surface, we also grow through our experiences, through our difficulties, learning lessons along the way, removing obstacles and overcoming our adversities. As the petals unfold, we too unfold, and become like a lotus rising from the murky waters and flowering into something beautiful. Its open blossom stands for enlightenment.

The lotus seeds, containing perfectly formed leaves symbolize our potential. Its flexible stem symbolizes our resilience. As the lotus begins to emerge, this symbolizes never giving up, never quitting when things seem difficult. The blossom of the lotus flower symbolizes enlightenment, our awareness, and our beauty. During the night, the flower closes and sinks, like a cleansing, and then emerges with the light, a renewal.

According to a traditional story, the more muddy and opaque the water, the more beautiful the Lotus flower when it emerges.

What you didn’t know about the bad times….the dark times is, the darker the times the more beautiful you are once you emerge from the muddy water. Don’t give up, cave in or quit.  Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning!

Please share the story of the Lotus Flower to encourage and empower!

 

Allison T Moore

#prisonbreakcoach