10 Ways to Let Go and Open Up to Love Again

Imagine if we only had one chance in life to be happy or successful.

In our careers.

In our choice of friends.

Or in love.

What a very sad world it would be if we were all doomed to work in jobs we hated or to hang around people we no longer connect with. Worse yet, what if we lost our chance at love?

Why put yourself through so much pain and suffering for a love that hurts and could end?

Tiny Buddha nailed it.

The reason to give love another shot, I’ve learned, is that by loving better and deeper, we become even more whole. Our hurt and tears clear the fog around our heart and illuminate the soul.

The journey to love is a journey to one’s self, your highest, most sacred and loving self.

There are plenty of obstacles keeping us from loving again. Sad to say, I’ve experienced them all.

Here are ten way to let go of the obstacles preventing you from having love in your life.

1. Let go of pain.

You can’t let go of pain  by resisting it. You could avoid the pain for some time, but in order to move on you must fully embrace the pain.

Embracing the pain means experiencing loss, sadness, and grief. As difficult as it might be, allow the tears to flow and share your experience with your friends and family.

Write down your feelings and come to terms with the emotions you’re going through.

Instead of judging yourself harshly for your feelings, wash yourself in compassion for finding the strength to move through your pain.

2. Let go of trespasses.

When you break up, you feel like you want to blame everyone for causing your heartache. This includes not just your ex, but also their parents, your parents, their friends, your friends, and everyone in between.

The only way to stop blaming others  is to forgive them. No matter how grave the offense or how unacceptable their behavior, your healing starts when you let go of the gripe. Yes, it was unfair; yes, it was unjust; and yes, they did you wrong. But there’s nothing to be done now but forgive.

Forgive people, because they, like us, have many imperfections. They know not what they do. They don’t live up to our expectations and have had difficult pasts that we may not understand fully.

3. Let go of bitterness.

The way to let go of bitterness toward others is to think of the many positive qualities and experiences you’ve had with them.

Your ex is not an evil person; they just weren’t the best person for you.

Instead of being stuck on their flaws and wrongdoings, allow the power of forgiveness to overlook what they’ve ‘done’ to you. Look at what good they’ve done, how much they’ve helped you be a better person, and the happy times you had together.

Remind yourself of their redeeming qualities. See their light.

4. Let go of resentments.

We let go of self pity and resentments by being more grateful.

Not only be thankful to your ex and the relationship you shared, but start living a life filled with gratefulness.

Notice the small things and the big things that are constantly occurring around you.

Appreciate the kind gesture, the words of encouragement, and the favorable circumstances that unfold in your life.

Making a small gratitude list as you start or end the day can help you move from focusing on resentments to focusing on thankfulness.

5. Let go comparing yourself to others.

What I’ve learned is that no relationship is perfect and most relationships look good from the outside. Comparing your relationship to others isn’t very constructive.

Once again, transform bitterness toward others to gratefulness that others have found love in their lives. If others have found love, let that be a message of hope and possibility for you.

We are each on our own journeys to better understanding ourselves and loving better. Our journey is independent of anyone else’s.

Your day will come. Your broken love and loss are the seeds of true love.

6. Let go of expectations.

We’ve grown up to expect a lot of things to turn out a certain way. But like the weather and weather reports, you can’t count on sunny and bright all the time.

If we can’t expect good weather, we sure can’t expect a perfect love or a partner to behave a certain way.

The way to be happy in and out of relationships is to let go of expectations and conditions.

Your Mr. or Mrs. Right isn’t a certain height, a certain profession, or a specific personality.

Be open to the magic of possibilities.

7. Let go of resistance.

Although love can be painful and heart-breaking, be willing to open your heart anyway.

Be open to meeting new people, be open to being vulnerable, and be open to falling in love again.

Love can only bloom if you’re open to love in your life. Set the intention for love to enter again.

8. Let go of being tough.

I know the feeling well. “The stronger and I am the more closed I am to others, the less likely someone else will hurt me again.”

If you close your heart and feelings to others, you may avoid pain but you’ll also miss out on happiness and joy.

Seek to be your most honest self. Instead of hiding behind a cloak of someone you’re not, be yourself in the world, which will only make you more attractive.

By being true to yourself, you’ll also attract people who are better suited for you.

Being vulnerable means being honest about your shortcomings and sharing your feelings. It’s choosing honesty over trying to look good.

9. Let go of telling the same story over and over.

You want to tell the same sad story repeatedly to friends—a love gone wrong, a love soured, a love that fell apart.

What if that story simply wasn’t true?

There are many perspectives and stories in every relationship. Are you holding onto a story of resentment and bitterness?

Are you willing to see a different story? A different perspective?

Could the lost love have helped you grow? Heal some part of yourself? Learn about an open wound?

Is the story you’re telling yourself blocking love from entering your life again?

10. Let go of fear.

The way to let go of fear is to recognize and embrace it.

How is fear holding you back? Is it keeping you stuck from living the life you want or the love you desire?

Call fear out for what it is. What is the worst that can happen if this fear came true? How likely is it that this fear will come true? Have you overcome fears like this in your past?

When you confront fear and acknowledge it for what it is, you can have an honest conversation with fear.

Ultimately, a partner is a mirror and guide to help you complete the journey to your truest self. Even if you break up with them, they can be a conduit to healing and being made whole.

Let go of your blocks keeping you from experiencing joy. Let go and choose love again.

An unknown author wrote, When two who have suffered find each other, the bond is like steel. They become each others’ soul mates and comfort from the storm of life. At the same time, they stir the deepest, darkest desires in each other.

Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we’re gone.~Cecelia Ahern, P.S. I Love You

Because I let go and chose love again, I found my “Perfect For Me” husband to be. My forever. My left arm. My soulmate. My Mr James Garrett. PS….I Love You❤️

 

Prison Break Coach Sends Open Letter With Survival Tips To New Jersey Housewives Star Teresa Giudice

Prison Break Coach Sends Open Letter With Survival Tips To New Jersey Housewives Star Teresa Giudice

Bear, Delaware – December 13, 2014 – Prison Break Coach Allison T. Moore (www.allisontmoore.com) has written an open letter, which has been published, on In2town Magazine to New Jersey Housewives reality star Teresa Giudice.

Teresa Giudice was recently sentenced to 18 months in federal prison for fraud charges. Moore, who knows prison all too well, is extending her help and services to the star. A huge fan of the show, Allison related much to its events as they unfolded. Ever since the conviction, the life coach felt compelled to share her story with Teresa and others seeking prison rehabilitation. Rising from the ashes of a habitual offender and morphing into a prominent personal success expert, persistence and determination drove her to rediscover the extraordinary woman within, despite her past.

Born into a life plagued with abuse, addiction and crime, with no guidance to lead her onto the right path, it resulted her in low self-esteem and eventually prison. Behind bars, she worked extensively on recovering by redefining success, and refusing to let her convict status define her future. Using her troubled history to fuel her passions, she became a published author, speaker and entrepreneur. She created The Prison Break Success System©, which enables women who struggle with life’s setbacks to break free from their mental prison, so they can experience mental, spiritual, professional, and emotional freedom. Charged by productivity and success, this mother of three also started Pamper Perfect Mobile Spa, which operates in eleven markets across the U.S.A., and founded Kids Mean Business, an entrepreneurial camp for at risk youth.

In the letter, (http://www.in2town.co.uk/real-housewives-of-new-jersey-star-teresa-guidice-receives-open-letter-from-prison-break-coach-allison-t-moore) Moore describes to Teresa Giudice how she relates to all her issues, having lived a similar life. She goes on to list to her what to expect from prison, how to act, what to ignore, and most importantly, not to focus on what’s happening in the outside world, but rather on herself so she can reach new heights, and learn to be who she wants to be once released. She provides her with a few tips to start with; keep a journal, make friends, and let it all go…

Moore believes the Prison Break Success System© can genuinely help Teresa and others like her in their difficult times to move beyond them, heal, and live a liberated life! For more information check out Allison’s website at http://www.allisontmoore.com.

About Allison T. Moore and Prison Break

A previous offender, Allison T. Moore became a successful author, speaker, and entrepreneur. She created Prison Break, which is a coaching program developed from the Prison Break Success System©. It’s a five-week, interactive video-based coaching program that helps women identify what’s most important to them, and design a plan that will allow the breakthrough needed to ensure they realize what they were created to be.

Allison T Moore
http://www.allisontmoore.com
iwasiam@allisontmoore.com
302-482-5938

What You Didn’t Know About The Bad Times

Did you know a lotus flower begins growing at the bottom of a muddy, murky pool, and slowly emerges toward the surface, bursting out of the water into a beautiful blossom? During the night the lotus closes and sinks under the water, and emerges again with the sunlight of a new day.

The lotus seeds contain perfectly formed leaves as miniatures of what they will become when it blooms. Its stem is flexible but does not break. As the lotus flower emerges from the mud, and up toward the surface it is completely unstained.

To me, the lotus in the mud symbolizes the hardships and difficulties of life, or a challenging time we have faced or are facing. As with the stem growing toward the surface, we also grow through our experiences, through our difficulties, learning lessons along the way, removing obstacles and overcoming our adversities. As the petals unfold, we too unfold, and become like a lotus rising from the murky waters and flowering into something beautiful. Its open blossom stands for enlightenment.

The lotus seeds, containing perfectly formed leaves symbolize our potential. Its flexible stem symbolizes our resilience. As the lotus begins to emerge, this symbolizes never giving up, never quitting when things seem difficult. The blossom of the lotus flower symbolizes enlightenment, our awareness, and our beauty. During the night, the flower closes and sinks, like a cleansing, and then emerges with the light, a renewal.

According to a traditional story, the more muddy and opaque the water, the more beautiful the Lotus flower when it emerges.

What you didn’t know about the bad times….the dark times is, the darker the times the more beautiful you are once you emerge from the muddy water. Don’t give up, cave in or quit.  Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning!

Please share the story of the Lotus Flower to encourage and empower!

 

Allison T Moore

#prisonbreakcoach

The #1 Mistake When Getting Over A Breakup~The Answer May Surprise You!

 

Dealing with a breakup always sucks. In my coaching session’s there are always a great number of women who find themselves unable to get past a breakup, someone leaving them or having difficulty getting over a separation or divorce. While everyone deals with post breakup differently, I found that the core common issue and biggest mistake most women made was the same. The seeked closure.

I know your thinking ‘isn’t that what I am supposed to do?’ It’s what many of us have been taught, me included, however I found a different approach to ‘seeking closure’. In any life situation it very rarely serves in helping you get through it.

Reaching out to an ex to try to get validation and closure spells potential rejection. You have no idea how they’ll react to seeing or hearing from you. If your ex wants nothing to do with you or has already moved on, you might end up feeling worse than you already do. Some of my clients have gotten constructive feedback from an ex, however, they often still don’t feel satisfied. The ego may say in that situation that you will never be at peace until he comes back. But think about it this way.

Peace is not determined by any circumstances outside of us. Peace stems from forgiveness. Pain does not come from the love that we are denied by others, but rather from the love that WE deny THEM. We are not really hurt by what someone else did, we end up closing our heart because of their closed heart and its our own denial of love that hurts.

A shift in your thinking would allow you to keep an open heart regardless of whats going on around you. Growth is about focusing on our own lessons.

When I was going through my own divorce, there was a period where I wanted answers, demanded to know why, expected an apology and an explanation as to how and why he could say he didn’t want to be married anymore. I wanted closure! (and wanted to punch him in the face but thats another post) But as I seeked answers from within I realized it didn’t really matter. The WHY didn’t really matter. Even the most educated, sincere and heartfelt answer would never be ‘good enough’.

As long as I was obsessed with his guilt I could not be at peace and move forward with my own life. As a life coach, I understood that when people behave unlovingly it’s merely because they have forgotten who they are. This Prison Break Coach had to not only understand that his behavior was because he has forgotten who he was, I had to be reminded of who I was. It’s often said divorce is like a death, and just like there is likely no “closure” to losing a loved one, seeking closure in an ended relationship is similar.

Cut ties and give yourself—and your mind—time to heal. The more you’re talking to or seeing him, the more your brain is engaging with your ex. Delete him from your phone, Facebook, Instagram, etc. Ask your friends to refrain from sharing any information about your ex if they are engaging with him in social networks as well. I had to ask my friends, (I kinda threatened them), to stop telling me about the pictures he was posting. It only made me think of how I still wanted closure. Do whatever you need to do to get your focus on YOU and YOUR lesson.

I also started an exercise and it served as my daily reminder to deal with my own change in thinking. My phone would ring everyday as if I had an appointment.

I forgive you (name) and I release you to the Holy Spirit.

This helped me to not focus on my ex’s behavior but to focus on my own feelings instead. It wasn’t overnight but overtime healing was evident.

Know that you cant change him, you cant change other people, or what has happened in the past, however, you can choose to see things differently. Relationships are assignments and opportunities for learning. Instead of praying for someone wonderful, pray that you are enlightened on how wonderful you are. Take responsibility for your own pain. When a relationship does not work out, for whatever reason, its natural to be disappointed. The idea of getting closure is just that….. and idea. Instead know who you are, do what you love, and maintain an open heart, increasing the opportunity to begin again. Healing begins in the present, not in the past.

Please share with others. We all know someone still experiencing the need for closure in a relationship in the past. Whether the breakup was 15 days ago or 15 years ago, the choice to heal can begin today.

The Desire to Win

Since the NBA Playoffs began a few weeks ago, I have been following the trend on Social Media and noticed so may people are asking Spurs or Heat?, how many games?, who has the edge?. It had me thinking “What is behind the desire to win?” What are the qualities that these winners possess that enable them to experience the level of greatness they achieve? So I asked these questions to friends and clients, at social gatherings and in my business network. I heard answers such as commitment, dedication, discipline, focus and strength. Although I agree with all of these responses, it just seemed to me that there had to be some other quality. There is no question in my mind that each of us posses all of the characteristics of these winners. Each of us has extraordinary potential. But what is the attribute that the winning team or player has that would make them leap into the air for a mindblowing dunk or a buzzer beating 3 pointer. The Heat will try to become the fourth franchise to three-peat and the Spurs will be working on their 2nd NBA Championship. As I went through my list of traits the one that I kept coming back to was one that no one had mentioned — desire!

de·sire
dəˈzī(ə)r/
a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.

Desire is the impulse, the driving feelings that give you the energy and ambition to give birth to your creativity, your passion and your vision.

To want something isn’t enough. You have to FEEL it. You can want or desire any and everything, but it isn’t until you are so closely connected with your desire that you can feel it, that it begins to give birth to manifestation.

Your soul’s desires are with you at birth for you to discover as you grow and evolve into the person you were created to be. Yet before you can unwrap this powerful force, just like the child NBA player who one day puts on a pair of sneaks and tells their parents that some day they will win a NBA championship, you must give voice to what you long for in the most precious place in your heart.

Whether it is winning an athletic competition, pursuing a loving relationship, writing a best-selling book, staring your own business, relocating or moving into the house of your dreams, you, like so many of us, may have heard the whispers of your desire calling yet have ignored it or pushed it away. Maybe you have stopped letting yourself dream or feel the ache of your own desires, either because you are afraid of the disappointment and hurt you might feel if you don’t get what you ask for. But unless you embrace the desires of your heart, you will be left empty and unfulfilled.
To create an extraordinary life you love, you must call on one of the most powerful agents of change in the universe: desire. When it is authentic, desire drives you to let go of the safety net and fears. Desire makes you want something so badly that you are willing to uncover your ‘stinkin thinkin’, release your outdated behaviors and beliefs from momma and ’em, and do whatever it takes in order to manifest it. Desire forces you to grow, evolve, and move closer to your God given purpose to serve.
Desire is the most important catalyst for bringing about lasting change. This is not a rehearsal; this is your life. Don’t wait another 5 years, your time is NOW.

 Do not wait another day to become fully engaged and present in your life, and to live a life you are in awe of and created to live. 



Tools for Transformation

1. Make a list of all your desires — both those things that you want to achieve in the physical world and those that you desire to feel on the inside. Do you want more self-confidence, more love, a clearer sense of purpose, greater peace of mind? Do you desire more money, more friends, a spouse, a child, or a new career? This is the time to list all of your desires without censoring yourself. Be honest. Be bold. 

Be brave. Write it down.

2. Create a vision map — either by cutting pictures that you love or words that inspire you out of magazines and putting them together in an inspiring way or by adding some images to your screen saver on your computer. Mine are sticky notes and index cards. Look at your vision map throughout the day to remind yourself of what you truly desire. Commit to taking three minutes each morning to seal these words and images into your consciousness.

3. If you feel any fear or hear the voices inside your head telling you why you can not have what you envision, register for my free tips, schedule a private session with me or sign up for ‘Prison Break’, to help you break free from whats blocking you at http://www.allisontmoore.com

Love,
Allie

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Do Prisons Reform Criminals?

Many people hold on to the expectation of prisoners being restored by some special class, some program, some psych doctor, or group therapy. A professional was to brief through an inmates file and decide what was necessary in order for the offender to be “changed or corrected.”

I myself was labeled as a habitual offender with an arrest record dating back to 1988, and was given “the” intervention plan. None. How was I to be committed to prison for 1 1/2 to 7 years, expecting to be rehabilitated without a design for treatment? With Delaware prison systems managing about 8,000 inmates in 12 prisons and facilities, Community Corrections supervising about 17,000 probationers and 535 parolees and a budget of about $200 million dollars a year, you have to ask yourself if what they are doing is working. Better yet, what are they doing? The crime rate in Delaware is 8% above the national average and violent crimes are about 32% higher than other states. The rate of adults under correctional supervision, including prisons, jails, probation, and parole is about 40% higher than the national rate. I believe these statistics are the catalyst for a different approach.

I’ve asked quite a few about their perspective of criminals, their behavior and the idea of prison as punishment and reform, and what many fail to realize is that the overcrowding prison system itself serves as fuel to the cycle it is created to cease. It is merely a holding place with little hope of being effective standing alone. The life typically hardens inmates who often leave worse than they were when they were first committed. The prison population forces long waiting lists and inapt programs with a quick fix approach to deep rooted problems. There is little focus on core criminal behavior which resides in the criminal mind, no focus on real life skills or the tools to cope with life after confinement.

“Three hots and a cot” is the term for prison, which suggests a lax environment, a place to sleep and three hot meals a day. Although confined, prisoners have little responsibility; they don’t wash their own clothes, cook their own meals and they take directions on what to do and when to do it., it is easier to live inside four prison walls than out in the community as a responsible citizen. It is training ground for dependence upon the system, while inside and upon release, that is why so many return. A prisoner released is no different at the end of the sentence without effective solutions during incarceration, pre-release, and post release.

What is needed is a comprehensive approach with more effective methods. The focus should be to put the $200 million where it counts, habilitating the offender. If rehabilitation means to restore formally to former capacity, standing, rank, rights or privileges, than habilitaion is what is needed. Most offenders have never lived a life desired to be restored. Habilitate-to equip, impart an ability, to qualify or entitle. They need vocational training, with job placement. They need employers to forgive them after their time has been served. I’m not sure that “Inmate at Cambridge Springs Correctional Institution” would impress an HR recruiter for any of the “Best Places To Work In America.” In other words, they need to be empowered.