7 Signs Your Friend is Jealous and What to Do about it

IMG_1960

One of the worst dynamics that can kill a friendship is jealousy. If one friend is jealous of the other, it inevitably can ruin the friendship, or at least negatively impact it. Sometimes, however, when a friend is jealous, and they don’t want it to show, it can come out in very strange ways that may not seem obvious to the casual observer. In order to help you identify jealousy in your friendship, here are some examples to look for:

The Slough-Off: You tell your friend some good news and instead of reacting joyfully for you, your friend sloughs it off and makes it seem as though it is not “all that.”
When people don’t feel good about where they are in their own lives, they make themselves feel better by acting as though other people’s good fortune isn’t so great or exciting.

The Friendly Ghost: When individuals are jealous, they may feel less inclined to spend time with those individuals who are happy or doing well, and as a result, disappear or become extremely busy. Why? Your happiness is a constant reminder that they are unhappy and as a result, they rather stay away.

Positive Negative: When some individuals are jealous, they may find a way to counteract your positive with a negative. This is similar to the slough-off, but instead of ignoring your positive news or accomplishment, your friend counters it with a negative. For instance, if you show a friend a beautiful picture you took of your kids, your friend may say, “Well, of course the picture is good: you had good lighting and a good camera.” Her reaction implies, in a sense, that the picture was good, not because of you, but for other reasons.

Insincere Happiness: If someone knows that they are jealous, they may try to over compensate by putting on a huge grin and acting overly happy. Unfortunately, what your friend doesn’t realize is that this type of behavior seems very unnatural and insincere.

Tears You Down: You decide that you are ready to go back to work after being a full-time, stay-at-home mom. Instead of being happy for you, your friend tells you that going back to work makes you a bad parent. If your friend constantly makes you feel bad about your decisions in life, they may be doing so to feel better about their own decisions and about themselves.

Lack of Support: This is demonstrated when you rely on friends to help you achieve something that is important to you and they fall extremely short in delivering. They can either come up with every excuse in the book as to why they can’t help you, or worse, they promise to help but don’t.

Constant Discouragement: This happens when your friend tells you all of the reasons why you shouldn’t or CAN’T do something, instead of encouraging you to “go for it.”

In general, if every time you succeed at something or have good news and your friend acts distant, strangely or dismissive, it might mean that they are jealous. Or, if you find it awkward or difficult to talk to your friend about things that make you happy or that you’re involved with, it might mean there is a little green-eyed-monster. It is important, however, to remember that if you are experiencing any of these behaviors or traits in your friendship, it may not mean the friendship is completely over. Here are a few things to consider:

Self Evaluate: First evaluate the situation and spend some time practicing self-awareness. Are you doing anything that could be intensifying feelings of jealousy? Is your friend in a bad place in his or her life? Should you be considering their feelings or be sensitive to their needs? When things are going great for us, it is sometimes easy to forget that others may not be as fortunate. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes so that you can better identify why they may be feeling the way they do.
Communicate: Open up a dialogue with your friend. If you have a sense as to why they may be feeling the way they do, let them know you understand how they must feel going through their personal challenges. Once you let them know that you are sensitive to their feelings, let them know how you feel. Explain that you are there for them, but hope that they can be happy for you, even though they are in a rough spot.
Bridge the Differences: Once everything is out on the table. Think through ways you can deal with this together. If your friend is receptive to the conversation, that is a good sign. If, however, they become defensive and point fingers instead of taking responsibility for their own actions, you may need to reevaluate the friendship.
Does jealousy exist in your friendships? How have you handled it? What was the outcome?

*http://sheerbalance.com/7-signs-your-friend-is-jealous-and-what-to-do-about-i

Advertisements

Are You Carrying Emotional Baggage?

Free Yourself
So, how do you eliminate your baggage once and for all?

IMG_1788

1. Accept Your Past For What It Is
This is where you need to be brutally honest with yourself and accept that the past cannot be changed. You need to make peace with every aspect of it so you can move forward.
2. Pay Attention To The Warning Signs
If your heart is saying one thing and your head is saying another, don’t ignore it! Take note of what is happening. In fact, make a list. When you start arguing with your ex-spouse in your head even though he or she is miles away, write it down. When you daydream about being able to say, “I told you so,” because your ex-spouse is getting another divorce, write it down. When you feel you’re not worthy, write it down. Make a practical list of your baggage so you can see it with your own eyes and it becomes real.

3. Plan Your Strategy
After you’ve identified the areas you need to work on, make a simple list of practical ways you can overcome them. It can be a positive thought to counteract a negative one… a quick prayer you say to stop the fight video playing in your head, or going to the confession more often to talk to the priest about your struggle, receive the graces you need to persevere, and feel that ugly burden lifted from your shoulders. The options are endless, and only you can determine which step will be most effective for you.
Because you’ve endured the traumatic loss of your marriage, you need to make sure you are not dating anyone with the intention of finding a cure for your hurt. If you find you are doing this, I highly encourage you to withdraw from dating until you’ve dealt with that. Taking these steps will help your heart become truly free from attachments and baggage and you will eventually be ready to give it to someone else.
One last important note… there is no formal time frame for achieving this. It will be different for everyone. You are done when you are done. And remember that this process will strengthen you; it has a sort of tempering affect. If you are honest with yourself and open your heart, this important time in your life can change you for the better and make you stronger and wiser because of the experience.